Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum
by Mike McD
Summary: The events and consequences immediately after Grave'.
1. Chapter 1

Last year, my younger brother Tony lost his battle with cancer. I made a promise to him to keep working on his and our stories.

This promise I will keep.

This is Tony's very last story, written in the last months of his life. Some parts are on floppy disks, some on scraps of paper, some on tape when he was too sick to write.

The work to put it all together is on going but I've decided to put out those parts which are complete.

This story, these words are all Tony's.

Rest easy little brother.

Title: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum

Author: Tony McD

Summary: The events and consequences immediately after 'Grave.

Distribution: Anywhere, just keep my name on it. As long as I am remembered, I will never truly die.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any other characters. This is a work of fiction written for your enjoyment.

----

He walked all the way to Kingman's Bluff.

Had to, Willow had half melted his car.

The long walk gave him time to think. Actually it wasn't so much as thinking, more like listening to his heart.

He was going to die.

It was surprising just how calmly he was taking that fact. The Scooby Gang had saved the world so many times from demons and vampires and Hell Gods. But this time the question was who would save the world from the Scooby Gang?

The answer, Xander realized with amazing fatalism, was nobody. The Scooby Gang had fucked up, lost its way, and now the world was going end by the hand of one of their own.

For the first time in a very long time, Xander listened to his heart.

The end of the world had come and there was really only one place he wanted to be. Giles and Anya were together at the Magic Box; Buffy and Dawn were together in the pit at the graveyard.

No one should be alone when the world was ending.

Not even the one who was ending it.

He was going up to Willow on Kingman's Bluff.

He was going up there to die.

-----

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.  
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.  
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem.

(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us)  
(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us)  
(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, grant us peace.)

-----

Her rage and anger had gone, replaced by overwhelming pain, sadness, and grief. The feelings washed over them like waves that threatened to drag Willow into the cold, black depths.

He could feel her pain almost as if it where his own.

Almost.

Holding the weeping Willow, he made a number of decisions about his life. Things had gone outstandingly badly and the price they had paid for the lessons learned and the wisdom gained was far too high to ignore.

With all his heart, with all his soul, Xander vowed to dedicate his life to those who meant most to him.

Especially the one he was holding right then.

They had been given a second chance and Xander was determined to make the most of it.

They owed the dead at least that much.

Slowly, little by little, Willow's sobs diminished. As the last of her energy disappeared, she fell silent. Completely drained, both physically and emotionally, she crumpled in Xander's embrace bonelessly.

Catatonic.

Gently he scooped her up into his arms, hissing as the pain rippled across him from his cracked ribs and deep gashes. Picking Willow up, a flash of a memory crossed his mind.

When they were 10 years old, Jessie's parents got a pool. That summer the three of them spent nearly everyday in and around that pool. Much to the amusement of Jessie, Xander would pick Willow up, carry the resisting redhead to the edge of the pool and let go of her.

More than a decade later and on a hilltop overlooking Sunnydale, Xander would vow never to let go of her again.

He was dead tired from lack of sleep. He was drained emotionally from everything that happened. He was in great pain from his injuries.

He was three miles from Buffy's place.

Doing his best to ignore the pain, he adjusted his hold on Willow, and started the long, painful journey home.

-----

Beatus vir cuius est auxilium abs te, ascensiones in corde suo disposuit.

(Blessed is the man whose help is from Thee: his heart is set upon the journey.)

-----

The moment they had gotten home, Dawn headed upstairs to have a shower then flop into bed, her need for sleep overcoming all else. Down stairs, Buffy paced nervously.

The world hadn't ended, but her worry remained.

What had happened? Was Willow still alive? Was Giles? Where was Xander?

Buffy felt herself being pulled in so many different directions at the same time.

Should she go up to Kingman's Bluff? Or to the Magic Box? Or the hospital?

Or the morgue?

In the end she decided to remain at the casa Summers. Dawn needed her to be there. Buffy felt a twinge of guilt at not having been there for Dawn during the long dark months just passed. The guilt compounded as she realized she hadn't been there for her friends either. All that was gonna change.

Provided they were still alive.

That particular line of thought produced a shudder of fear and Buffy shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She kept telling herself that they had all survived, that she was gonna have a chance to make it better this time.

Her anxious wait for news of her friends overrode her need for a shower and sleep.

By this stage any attempt by her to analyze any of the million or so issues and problems she and the rest of the Scoobies had was doomed to failure. She was too tired, too flattened emotionally by the weight of everything.

All she knew... all she wanted... was for Willow and Xander and Giles to come back to her alive.

So she sat.

And waited.

Anya's materialization in front of her made Buffy's heart leap into her mouth and Buffy herself to leap to her feet.

"Anya! Giles... is he..."

"He sent me here from the hospital. He's fine. Well, fine considering what happened. He told me to tell you that he'll be OK and that the doctors just want to keep him overnight for observation and he also asked could you pick him up from the hospital tomorrow morning."

"And Willow? Xander?"

Anya looked away for a moment, a look of pain or... something, on her face. Buffy's breath caught in her chest. It seemed like an eternity before Anya replied.

"They're alive."

Buffy's knees buckled and she slumped onto the couch. Buffy closed her eyes and silently gave a prayer of thanks.

She would get her second chance.

Buffy opened her eyes and gazed up at the Vengeance demon.

"What stopped her? Willow that is. What stopped her..." Buffy couldn't bring herself to even say what it was Willow had almost done.

Not yet. It was still too... much.

"Xander. He..." Anya trailed off. She turned to leave but stopped. "They'll be here soon." Anya turned back around and looked directly into Buffy's eyes.

"Look after them. They need you." With that Anya teleported herself out of there.

Buffy stared into the space Anya has just been occupying, thinking about Anya's last words to her.

"And I need them."

-----

Non sum dignus, ut inters sub tectum meum: sed tantum dic verbo, et sanabitur anima mea.

(I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof; but only say the word, and my soul will be healed.)

-----


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy heard heavy footsteps on the front porch and she raced to open the front door. 

Xander; his face torn, bloody, and ashen. In his arms the limp body of Willow. For an instant Buffy thought she was dead but then she noticed the slow rise and fall of Willow's chest. Willow's eyes blinked slowly as they gazed out unfocused into empty space.

Buffy stood aside as Xander carried Willow into the living room and laid her on the couch, grunting at the pain that stabbed through his ribs as he did so. He then knelt down on the floor in front of the couch and took Willow's hand in his own.

Buffy hovered over the two for a few moments, unsure of her place before deciding to kneel down next to Xander.

She had nearly lost them, both of them. That single fact hammered powerfully home into her heart and mind.

They had survived, but at what cost?

Xander looked at Buffy like a little boy, lost and afraid, looking to a grown up for comfort and protection. Tears rolled down Buffy's cheeks.

She was just as lost and afraid as he was.

Seeing her tears, Xander reached out with is free hand and, cupping her face in his hand, gently brushed her tears away and leaving little streaks of dirt and ash on her cheeks. Even now, hurt and lost, Xander's instinct was to give all the support, love, and comfort he could.

The last of Buffy's resolve crumbled at the strength of his love and she burst into tears. Xander pulled her close, resting his head on top of hers as she cried into his shoulder, all the while his other hand held Willow's.

Buffy regained her composure after a few minutes. She held Xander's hand in one hand and delicately brushed a lock of Willow's hair out of her face with the other.

She needed them, but right now they needed her more.

"Xander." Even though it was barely above a whisper, the sound of her voice seemed loud in the silence of the living room.

"Why don't you go up stairs and have a shower, hmm? Once you're cleaned up we'll see what we can do about those cuts."

Xander looked upstairs towards the shower, the call of the hot spray washing away the dirt, blood, and ash was powerful. He looked back down at Willow, his hesitation and the reason for it obvious to Buffy.

"Don't worry Xan, I'll stay here with her while you shower, Ok?" Buffy assured her friend. Reluctantly Xander nodded his assent. He kissed Willow's hand and go up, again grunting with the pain. The way he was moving and carrying himself, Buffy figured he probably had a number of cracked ribs as well. He slowly moved up the stairs.

"Willow? Willow!" Buffy panicked as the redhead's eyes rolled back and she started to jerk and convulse as if in a fit.

Xander raced down the stairs to Willow, his injuries and fatigue forgotten for the moment as adrenaline flooded his system.

"Willow! I'm here Will. Calm down. Shhh… it's OK. I'm not going anywhere." Xander reassured her as he held her hand and caressed her face.

Gradually Willow calmed and returned to her catatonic state. Buffy looked at her two friends, a theory forming in her mind.

"Xander, could you go into the kitchen? It's just for a minute."

Xander looked at her in puzzlement, the effects of the adrenaline beginning to fade and the pain and fatigue returning.

"I wanna test something. Please?"

Hesitating for a moment, Xander complied with her request.

Buffy's theory was confirmed.

As soon as Xander had left the room, Willow began to convulse.

Like before, Xander raced back to Willow and the convulsions subsided.

The situation forced Buffy to think. Xander needed to get cleaned up and his wounds seen to before they got infected. Hell, he probably needed to get to hospital just to be sure. But the situation with Willow complicated matters. Xander couldn't, nor wouldn't, leave Willow's side.

'Look after them. They need you.'

Buffy remembered Anya's words. Willow was catatonic and Xander was little better. It was up to Buffy to take charge and help her friends.

"Xander, we've gotta get you cleaned up and I've gotta do something about those cuts of yours, OK? I'm gonna carry Willow upstairs to the bathroom and I need you to come too. You understand?" she asked Xander who nodded slowly. He unsteadily got up as Buffy picked up Willow.

"Alright Xander, you walk in front of me... Up the stairs... that's the way." She coaxed him, his mind having pretty much shut down by now. Having got to the bathroom, Buffy faced her next problem of what to do next. She knew what she needed to do but was reluctant to do it. In the end Buffy decided that she had to do what she had to do, any other consideration was a luxury that they couldn't afford right now.

"I'm running Willow a bath and I need you to hold her while I do that." Buffy sat Willow on the edge of the bathtub and Xander held her so she didn't fall. Buffy started the bath, making sure it wasn't too hot. As an after thought, she added Willow's favorite bath salts to the water.

With Xander holding on to Willow, Buffy undressed her.

Need overruled modesty at the moment. Her friends couldn't do the things that needed doing right now so Buffy had to do it for them.

Shutting off the water, Buffy picked up Willow and placed her in the bath then eased Xander down in the corner beside the bathtub. Xander sat there, his eyes vacant and the look on his face was not too dissimilar to Willow's.

Grabbing the soap and the washer, Buffy began to clean the dirt and ash from Willow.

As she did so, Buffy's attention was drawn to Willow's face. She had known Willow for six years; they had been best friends and fought evil together. Willow's face was as familiar, if not more so, than her own.

So what was so different about it now?

Was it because it was now the face of a murderer?

No. All the Scoobies had at one point or another taken a human life by accident or otherwise. It was true that this time it had been different. But Buffy couldn't condemn her for doing something that, if their positions had been reversed, Buffy would have done herself.

The difference was her eyes.

Willow's eyes were devoid of life; the special spark unique to the bubbly redhead was gone.

Buffy worked quickly to wash her friend; the grime disappearing to reveal the alabaster skin beneath.

Once Willow as clean, Buffy drained the bath. Looking over to Xander, she saw that he had curled up. Buffy cursed herself for sitting Xander down on the floor like that. His injuries had made him seize up, unable to move much at all.

Buffy lifted Willow out of the tub and dried her as best she could then wrapped her in the towel.

Laying Willow next to Xander, Buffy contemplated her next task. Moving Xander would cause him pain. Laying him down in the bathtub then lifting him up again would hurt him even more. She needed to keep him upright until after she had seen to the cuts and taped his ribs up.

"Xander, I'm going to help you stand up. I know it'll hurt but you gotta stand up so I can help you, alright?" the smallest of nods from Xander indicating he understood.

As she helped him up, Xander gave a strangled yelp of pain. Once Buffy made sure he was able to stand by himself, she gently eased him out of his clothes then started the shower running. Quickly she stripped off her own clothes and guided Xander into the shower and carefully began to wash the two of them.

Xander's blank look never changed a bit the whole time.

Washed and dried, Buffy sat Xander on the lid of the toilet and tended to his injuries. The cuts on his face and chest probably wouldn't need stitches. Buffy searched the first aid kit in the bathroom and found the salve that Tara had made to help cuts and scratches heal quicker. Thinking of Tara made Buffy choke up with tears.

She placed bandages on this cuts, taped up his ribs, then gathered up all their dirty and torn clothes and dumped them in the washing basket.

"Xander, you and Willow are gonna stay in my room for now, OK?"

Buffy picked up Willow and they headed to Buffy's room. Buffy only hoped that Dawn wouldn't see the three of them heading into Buffy's room naked.

She laid Willow down in the middle of the bed then helped Xander get in next to her. He curled up to Willow as best he could and promptly fell asleep, his exhaustion claiming him. Buffy opened her draw to get her clothes but stopped. She gazed at her two friends on the bed. Xander held Willow in a platonic embrace.

Her friends needed her.

Without dressing, Buffy slipped into bed on the other side of Willow and, a little awkwardly, curled up next to her. Buffy took Xander's hand in her own.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

With that last thought, Buffy fell asleep.

-----

Asperges me, Domine, hyssopo et mundabor: lavabis me et super nivem dealbabor.

(Thou shalt sprinkle me with hyssop, O Lord, and I shall be cleansed; Thou shall wash me, and I shall be made whiter than snow.)

-----


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy awoke with the first rays of the new day. 

And with the dawn of new day came the dawn of a new day in the lives of the Scooby Gang.

Previously, the three of them bathing together then falling asleep naked in the same bed would have been an overtly sensual and sexual act. But nothing in the previous 72 hours had even been anywhere near sensual or sexual. Instead it had been horror, death, destruction, and grief.

There was symbolism in Buffy's actions. The lies and the baggage and the whole rotten foundation of their friendship had come crashing down, been burned to ashes, and then washed away.

There would be no more hiding, no more secrets, no more lies, no more ignoring problems until they blew up in their faces.

Today was a new day.

Buffy slipped out of bed and dressed. Xander was still sleeping and sometime during the night Willow had mercifully fallen asleep too. Watching her friends sleep, Buffy was suddenly filled with a deep desire to know what had happened up there on Kingman's Bluff.

So many questions she needed to ask and so many things she needed to do.

Leaving her sleeping friends, Buffy went down stairs to the kitchen, her growling stomach reminding her she hadn't eaten for over a day.

As she ate her breakfast she went through in her mind what she needed to do today.

Xander and Willow needed clothes to wear. That meant that she'd have to go around to Xander's place to pick up enough clothes for a couple of days. Buffy knew that Xander would lack both the ability and the will to leave Willow's side for a while. Willow's clothes were in her room.

The room where Tara had been killed.

The practical necessity of cleaning up the blood and repairing the broken window loomed distastefully. Buffy would have to organize that today too.

Giles needed to be picked up from the hospital this morning as well. Buffy had about four hours before she needed to get him. She knew she would have to lean on Giles heavily for support, both practical and emotional.

Then there was the matter of funeral arrangements for Tara. Buffy concluded that it would be able to be dealt with tomorrow. Today's priority would be the living.

Tara would have understood.

Dawn.

Her sister had sat in the room with Tara's body for God knows how long. Tara had become a mother figure to Dawn after Joyce's death and even more so after Buffy's death.

The two Summers sisters needed each other more than ever now.

Washing down the last bit of toast with her coffee, Buffy headed up to see Dawn.

-----

Locum refrigerii, lucis et pacis, ut indulgeas, deprecamur.

(We beseech Thee, to grant of Thy goodness, a place of comfort, light and peace.)

-----

In the comfort of sleep she looked so peaceful. Buffy looked down at her sister and was struck by how much Dawn had changed while she hadn't been looking. Even the innocence bestowed to all by the depths of sleep could not hide Dawn's transformation from child to young woman.

But the peace and innocence would not last longer than it took to stir from sleep to awakening.

Almost as if Buffy's thoughts were loud enough to wake her sister, Dawn's eyes opened and locked onto her sisters.

Buffy could see Dawn's mind stirring, the events, the pain, the horrors, the grief of the last few days pushing their way into the forefront of Dawn's mind.

The first of many tears that would be shed that day filled the eyes of the two sisters and spilled down their cheeks. Buffy rapidly headed over to Dawn and they held onto each other as they let their grief pour out.

All their pain, all their losses, all their hurt flooded out from where ever they had bottled it up inside of them. They took comfort from each other in ways that only siblings could ever could. Their bond was forever cemented, not in their shared blood up on the tower, but in their shared tears up in Dawn's room.

When their tears had stopped, Buffy stroked her sister's long hair.

"I'm sorry Dawnie. I'm so sorry Dawnie."

"Sorry for what?"

"For everything. For Tara, and mom, and me. I'm sorry for abandoning you, for hurting you, for not being there to look after you."

"Buffy, I don't..."

"No Dawn, I need to say this. I'm sorry that I can't look after you like mom did. I'm not mom, I don't know how to be her, and I can't be her. Not a day passes without me wishing she was still here. But she's not here, and I am.

"I tried to look after you, to keep you safe, to give you a normal life. But I can't." Buffy wiped at the tears on her face then indicated to herself in sad frustration. "I can hardly look after myself let alone you. I need help. And at the moment I've also gotta look after Xander and Willow."

"WHAT? Where are they? What happened? Are they OK?"

"Xander brought Willow home yesterday. I don't know exactly what happened. Xander's pretty badly beaten up, cuts, bruises, cracked ribs. Willow's completely catatonic."

"Like how you went when Glory got me."

Buffy looked at her sister in surprise.

"How did you...?"

"Willow told me. She told me everything after... when you were..."

"Dead." Buffy finished for her sister. Dawn nodded and looked down at her hands, which were in her lap.

"Yeah. That summer, Willow and Xander and Tara and Spike did their best to look after me. But it wasn't the same as... and Tara..." Dawn started crying again and Buffy wrapped her arms about her sister in comfort.

"Oh God Buffy! It's like... like loosing mom all over again!" weeping uncontrollably now, Dawn continued, "she was just laying there... in all the blood. And her eyes..."

Buffy held onto Dawn, letting her pour out all the grief and pain. Buffy's heart broke at the thought of Dawn, in the room with Tara's body, staring into her dead eyes for god knows how long.

So much pain.

For a long time they clung to each other, sharing their pain, unwilling to let go of the other.

Eventually there were no more tears left to shed.

"Where are they? Willow and Xander, where are they?" Dawn asked Buffy.

"In my room. They're both asleep right now." Buffy sighed resignedly "There's so much to do."

"What can I do to help?"

Buffy looked at her sister with a mixture of sadness and pride.

Sadness in the end of Dawn's childhood.

Pride in the woman Dawn had become.

"You know I love you, don't you?" Buffy asked Dawn.

"I love you to Buffy." Buffy hugged her.

"Come on down to the kitchen, Dawn. I'll make you some breakfast and we'll come up with a plan for the day."

-----

Panem caelestem accipiam, et nomen Domini invocabo.

(I will take the Bread of Heaven, and call upon the name of the Lord.)

-----


	4. Chapter 4

The soft knock on the door awoke Xander from his sleep and it took a moment for him to remember where he was and why. 

The bedroom door opened and Dawn slipped in with a small pile of clothes, which she placed on the dressing table.

"Dawn." Xander whispered, not wanting to wake Willow. Dawn paused near the door, unsure of what to do. In the end she padded softly over to Xander's side.

"Hey." She whispered back.

"Hey Dawn Patrol." Dawn liked Xander's nickname for her. He reached over and brushed away a stray hair from her eyes.

"How you feeling?" she felt stupid by asking. Xander gave a small smirk.

"I've had better days."

"A lot of that going around lately." She half joked. Dawn marveled at how Xander had an almost supernatural ability to make her feel a little better, to inject even the smallest bit of light and humor into the darkest moments.

And for this she loved him even more.

"What about you?" he enquired.

"I'll live."

"Where's Buffy?"

"She's gone to pick Giles up from the hospital and grab you some clothes from your place. I've put some of Willow's clothes on the dressing table."

"Ok." A moment of silence passed.

"You want anything? Some breakfast or something?"

"I'll pass on the food for the moment but some hot buttered pain killers would be nice."

Dawn smiled for the first time in a long while.

"Sure thing." She started to move but stopped and took hold of Xander's hand.

"Love you Xan."

"I love you too Dawnie." Xander looked over at the sleeping redhead.

"I love all my girls."

-----

Omnia vestra in caritate fiant

(Let all your things be done in love.)

-----

"3:30 this afternoon? OK. See you then. Bye." Buffy hung up the phone, glad that one of the more unpleasant but necessary tasks for the day was done. When the coroner had picked up Tara's body, they had left the name of a company that specialized in cleaning up crime scenes after the police had finished collecting evidence.

With Sunnydale being the way it was, Buffy was sure that it was a high demand business.

Heading out of the kitchen, Buffy flopped down on the couch in the lounge room and looked over to her Watcher.

She noticed that the lines in his face were deeper and there was more gray in his hair than she remembered. The events of the last few days had taken their toll on them all and his injuries added to his aged look. But Buffy had to face the fact that it had been a long time since she had first teamed up with a stuffy yet lovable Watcher. None of them were getting any younger and Giles hadn't been young to start with.

With a sinking feeling, Buffy realized that she had known Giles for years, fighting beside him, depending on him to be a key part of her life as both a Slayer and a person, yet she had no idea how old he was or even when his birthday was.

She didn't even know when the man she loved as a father was born.

Yet another thing on her long list of things to regret and fix.

Giles for his part watched as Buffy got up and moved over to him. She snuggled close to him and he put his arm around her, giving her the comfort she silently sought from him.

In the beginning he had tried to keep his distance from his Slayer. A Slayer's life was often brutal and short and he had been taught that emotional attachment was inappropriate and harmful.

Like all the best lies, it was a mix of both truth and lie.

He had, over the years, become close to her, her family, and her friends. He had once been sacked for having a father's love for her. Giles had then had spent the next few years trying to avoid that role only to discover that now he didn't want to.

He had hurt both himself and Buffy in his efforts to deny what was in his heart.

That denial ended now.

Father and daughter held each other, drawing comfort and silently expressing their bond.

Ten minutes later, Dawn came down the stairs and sat down on the other side of Giles.

"How are they?" Giles asked.

"Willow's a wreck. She wouldn't eat, she hasn't stopped crying, and she's showing no signs of letting go of Xander any time soon. Not that Xander is showing any signs of letting her go either." Dawn observed.

"We really need to get Xander to hospital to get those ribs checked out. Then there's the matter of getting the window fixed and calling Xander's boss and telling him that Xander wouldn't be at work for a while." Buffy listed. She hoped that Xander wouldn't loose his job.

"Buffy, when you call Xander's boss, see if he can recommend somebody to fix the window and the bullet holes in the side of the house."

"There's bullet holes in the side of the house?" Buffy didn't remember seeing any, but then the last time she was out in the back yard she was too busy watching Xander trying to save her life.

Again.

"Yeah. I... I went out there while you were picking Giles up." It had been tough for Dawn to stand where so much death and destruction had started. A moment, that's all it took. The time it took for a blood vessel to rupture, a body to fall from a tower, or a bullet to fly and her world came crashing down.

"Oh. Ok, well, I better call Xander's boss." Buffy said a little awkwardly and headed over to make the call.

Over the past two years, Buffy had called Xander's boss a number of times, usually to inform him that Xander would be late or not in that day, usually due to Hellmouth related causes. His boss ('just call me Jim') was always friendly and understanding and never gave Xander any grief about the amount of time he had off from work. Indeed, Buffy was surprised that Xander still had his job, not because of any lack of ability or work ethic on Xander's part, rather the amount of time he had taken off for various 'family emergencies'.

"Robinson Construction, this is Emily speaking."

"Hi, it's Buffy Summers calling on behalf of Xander Harris. Can I speak to Mr. Robinson?"

"Oh! Buffy, I heard about the shooting on the news. I'm so sorry about what happened. How are things over there?"

"Pretty bad." 'Understatement of the year' Buffy thought to her self.

"Xander's Ok, isn't he?" there was a tone of genuine worry in her voice.

"He'll be Ok, eventually." Buffy informed Emily

"Thank God. He's such a sweet guy. Just hold on and I'll get hold of Mr. Robinson for you."

There was a couple of seconds of music as Buffy was put on hold.

"Buffy? Jim Robinson."

"Mr. Robinson..."

"Just call me Jim."

"Uh, Ok."

"Emily told me what happened over at your place. Is everyone alright?"

Buffy sighed.

"No. We lost one of the nicest people in the world and came close to loosing a lot more." 'Try six billion' Buffy thought.

"Damn. There's not really much I can say at a time like this. How's Xander holding up?"

"Cuts, bruises, I think he's got some broken ribs but I can't be sure until I get him to the hospital. I'm not sure when that will be though."

"Don't worry, Xander can take all the time off as he needs on full pay. He's too valuable a person to loose, but I already guess you know that."

"Yeah, I do now." A hint of anger directed at herself for her selfishness crept into her voice.

"Buffy."

"Yeah."

"What can I do to help you?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite..."

"Buffy, at times like this you need all the help you can get. Tell me what I can do."

Jim's firm yet gentle insistence on helping touched her.

"You might be able to give me a number for someone to do some house repairs. There's a bunch of bullet holes in the side of the house and a window as well. I'm kinda hoping that you might know someone that can fix it. I don't have that much money at the moment but..."

"Say no more. I'll send someone out to have a look and see what we can arrange."

"Thanks Jim. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, Buffy went back to curl up next to Giles. The three of them curled up together provided a feeling of family that all of them had been missing for so long.

-----

Inclinatus sum et incurvatus nimis; tota die contristatus ingrediebar.

(I am miserable and am bowed down: all the day long I walked in sadness.)

-----


	5. Chapter 5

They lost all track of time and when the doorbell rang it startled Buffy to realize that half an hour had gone by. Opening the door, Buffy was in for another surprise.

"Mr. Robinson! What are you doing here?"

"I said I'd send someone out and I figured that I'm someone." He smirked. He was a tall, thickset, African-American. As he stepped through the doorway, the limp produced by his prosthetic foot was pronounced.

Giles and Dawn got to their feet.

"Rupert Giles." Giles introduced himself as the two men shook hands.

"Jim Robinson. Xander's told me a lot about you."

"Oh? Well... I, um..."

"You can relax Mr. Giles. I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on in this town." Jim looked over to Dawn.

"And you must be Dawn. My daughter is in your class."

Dawn studied him and tried to figure who.

"You're Tasha's dad, right?"

Jim nodded before looking back to Buffy.

"Where's Xander?" he asked.

"He's upstairs in my room with Willow at the moment."

"OK then. How about we take a look at the damage?"

Together the four of them went out into the backyard and surveyed the scene. Jim inspected a couple of the bullet holes in the side of the house.

"I'd be careful using any of the power outlets in the kitchen until this gets fixed. You never know what a bullet might have damaged."

Standing back he noted both the number and location of the bullet holes.

"Which window is that?" he asked, pointing to the one with a bullet hole.

"Tara's." Dawn blurted, then remembered. "I mean, it was... before..."

"Can I go up there to check out the window?" Jim requested. Buffy looked to Giles for a moment before answering.

"I guess so. But there's still blood on the floor. I... the cleaning company gets here later this afternoon."

"I've seen blood before." He told her, waving at his prosthetic foot.

"Oh, yeah. Right. I guess you would have."

They went back inside and headed up to the room.

Jim looked about the room. In addition to the broken window and the blood on the carpet, he noticed a picture on the bedside table of Willow and a pretty blonde woman that he reasoned to be Tara.

He closed his eyes, made the sign of the cross, and said a silent prayer for the fallen youth. He had seen far too many young people with their entire lives ahead of them get cut down by evil.

He opened his eyes again and grabbed his cell phone.

"Doug? Jim. I wanna ask for a favor. There's a repair job that I'd like your crew to look at... House siding replacement, wiring check, window replacement... ASAP... Good, thanks... I won't forget this... Bye."

Jim turned to Buffy.

"There'll be a crew coming out tomorrow to fix the window and the house."

"Thanks. They... uh... didn't happen to mention how much it might cost, did they?" she asked. Money was tight in the Summers house and Buffy wasn't sure if she could afford the repairs.

"It won't cost you a thing. Doug is doing this as a favor for me."

Buffy was about to object but Jim cut her off.

"Don't even think about objecting. It's the least I can do. Besides, Doug knows that we've got some big contracts coming up soon and he's gunning for his crew to be our sub contractor. So Doug does me a favor and in return I give him the sub contract. He was going to get it anyway so it's a win-win all round."

The gesture of kindness nearly brought Buffy to tears.

"That's most generous of you." Giles remarked, suspicious of the size of the generosity. There was something else behind the act.

Jim picked up on his suspicions.

"Let's head back down stairs and I'll tell you a story."

Once they were all seated in the lounge room, Jim rolled up the leg of his pants revealing his prosthetic foot.

"Did Xander ever tell you how I lost my foot?" Jim asked them.

They indicated that he hadn't.

"I was a chaplain in the Marines many years ago. I was young, full of faith, tending to the spiritual needs of our country's soldiers as they did the Lord's work.

"You youngster's are probably too young to remember, but Mr. Giles might. I was in Beirut when the Marine barracks got bombed. Actually, I was IN the barracks at the time.

"It was terrible. In that one attack I lost my foot, my friends, and my faith. After I was discharged from the Corps, I was lost, drifting around the country from job to job, eventually ending up here. It was here that I met my wonderful wife who helped anchor me after drifting so long. I got into the building industry, started my own successful company. Life was sweet.

"Then, not too long ago, I hired a young lad by the name of Xander. He was a bit of a drifter like myself and I decided to give him a go and see how he went. He did great. He was a natural; hard working, good with people, and he had a sense of responsibility that I hadn't seen in someone so young since my days in the Corps.

"But there was something wrong. He'd come to work late sometimes with all sorts of injuries and all sorts of excuses. He'd have all kinds of 'family emergencies' that he had to deal with. I asked him about it but he never gave me a straight answer. I was seriously contemplating firing him until a little incident happened after work one night at a construction site of ours."

"I take it that you had an encounter with Sunnydale's less... desirable inhabitants?" Giles asked.

"Yep, 3 vampires. It wasn't just me they nearly got; my wife and daughter had come around to the site to pick me up for some school production.

"So there we were, about to die at the hands of 3 demons from hell when suddenly one of them explodes into dust and Xander literally jumps into the fray. He starts yelling at me to get my family out of here while trying to hold off two vampires with nothing but a wooden stake and a cross. I bundled the family into the car then looked back to see Xander manage to stake another vamp and drive the other one away with the cross.

"He was banged up a bit; cuts, bruises, stuff like that. He didn't want to come back to our place for some first aid. The voice of command changed his mind." Jim chuckled, remembering his drill instructor from basic training.

"We got him home and cleaned him up. I started talking with him. At first he was pretty reluctant to talk about his war with evil, but eventually I got him to open up. A hold over from my Chaplain days, I guess.

"Over the last few months he told me everything. About himself, his friends, his war, his fears, his hopes. He's got a picture in his wallet, the original Scooby Gang he called it. Showed it to me with the pride of a father showing pictures of his kids. A Watcher, a Slayer, a Witch, and Xander; warriors fighting at the very mouth of Hell.

"He restored my faith in God; something which I thought would be impossible. I saw evil and I saw one of the Lord's soldiers do battle and defeat the evil. I learned of the war between good and evil that raged unseen on our streets every night. Once I learned of it I couldn't turn my back on it.

"I'm too old and too short of limbs to take the front line like all of you do. But I can help support those warriors that do fight."

"Xander's job." Buffy surmised.

"Not quite in the way you think. Xander's climb up the ladder is based purely on his skill and ability at work. I do, however, cut him all the slack he needs for his nightly war. I make sure that he has the best medical and life insurance money can buy. If he needs time off or to leave work early or whatever then I give it to him. And now that you know that I know your secret, I want to offer you a job too. Same deal as Xander"

Buffy didn't know quite what to say.

"But I tried the whole builder thing before and it didn't work." She objected.

"The job isn't as a builder. Emily, my office manager, is leaving next month to go to Denver with her husband. I know of your financial troubles and I'll need someone to run the office when Emily goes. You help solve my problem and I help solve yours. How about it?"

"Well... I..."

"It pays a hell of a lot more than the Double Meat Palace and I promise you won't have to wear a cow hat." Jim smirked. Having been to the Double Meat and seen the poor long suffering employees in their ridiculous uniforms, he was pretty sure that this would be the deal clincher.

"Done!" Buffy happily exclaimed. Jim Robinson smiled.

"Excellent. Although I must admit to being a little nervous. I never had God's Chosen working for me before."

"Uh... I don't know what Xander told you about me exactly, but I'm not God's Chosen." Buffy interjected. Jim looked at her curiously.

"You are 'the Chosen One'? Aren't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Well, who do you think chooses the Chosen One?"

Buffy, remembering her history and Faith's history, was convinced that God had nothing to do with selecting who was Chosen. But Jim was convinced of it and she had no wish at get into an argument with her new boss.

Besides, she reasoned, if God did decide who were Chosen, then all the evidence pointed to the fact that God had piss poor judgment.

"I really think that we need to get Xander to the hospital to get checked out." Dawn advised her sister. Buffy nodded her agreement.

"I'll drive him there if you'd like." Jim offered. Buffy gave him an appreciative smile.

"Thanks Jim."

-----

Et clamor meus ad te veniat.

(And let my cry come unto Thee.)

----- 


	6. Chapter 6

She was asleep again.

He ran his fingers through her red hair and shuddered at the memory of her beautiful red hair turned black. Her alabaster skin showed no signs of the ugly veins that pulsed with dark power.

She, the embodiment of all things good to Xander, had become a living vestige of evil.

Had Warren deserved to die? Without a doubt he did.

Did Willow have the right to kill Warren? That was something that Xander was in two minds about.

In the end it didn't matter. It would do him no good to contemplate the philosophical aspects of something that he couldn't change. What is done is done and Xander had to concentrate on the here and now.

He knew Willow better than anyone. He knew that the grief of Tara's loss and the guilt of Warren's gruesome end was something that Willow couldn't face, not by herself.

The moment of reflection was broken by the sound of knocking on the door that also woke Willow up.

The door opened and Buffy, Dawn, Giles, and Jim came in. Xander was surprised to see Jim.

"Boss? I didn't know you did house calls for firings." Xander half joked.

"He's here to take you to the hospital." Buffy told Xander. Xander shook his head in disagreement.

"I can't leave Will. Not now."

"Xander, you HAVE to get checked out, OK? You took a hell of a pounding and I want you to get the docs to check out your ribs. I'll be here with Willow while you're gone."

"Buff, I really don't..."

"Go."

Willow's single half whispered word silenced the room as they all stared at her.

"Are you sure?" Xander asked her, brushing her hair off of her face and searching her eyes for her intentions.

"Go."

Buffy watched as her two best friends looked at each other and envied their closeness which gave them the ability to communicate a thousand words in just a single look.

What the hell happened between them up on that hill?

It was clear that one of Xander's reservations over leaving Willow revolved around the possibility that Willow might try to harm herself.

"I'll stay here with Willow. She won't be alone."

Xander looked back and forth between Buffy and Willow before nodding his agreement.

While Giles and Dawn helped Xander out of the bed, Buffy slipped into it on the other side of Willow and held her friend as they watched Xander being helped out of the room with Jim following behind them.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Willow burst into tears.

-----

Cor meum doluit in vitalibus meis et terrores mortis ceciderunt super me

(My heart is pained within me, and terrors of death have fallen on me.)

-----

"How many hot dogs you want?" Dawn asked Giles from the kitchen. There hadn't been much food left in the kitchen and hot dogs were the best that Dawn could come up with. Tomorrow she and Giles would go shopping, but tonight they would have to make do with hot dogs.

"Two please." She heard Giles reply.

When she was done putting on the hot dogs and getting the buns ready, Dawn went into the living room where Giles was going through all the household bills.

"So, is the bank gonna foreclose the house on us or not?" Dawn half joked. Money had been tight ever since Joyce died and Buffy hadn't been keeping on top of the bills lately.

"By the looks of it, no."

"What?" Dawn was surprised that Buffy had actually done anything about the household bills and she expressed that to Giles.

"I don't think that it was Buffy." Giles said and handed Dawn a bill with a cheque attached. Dawn examined it closely.

"Where did you find this?" she asked.

"In the pile of outgoing mail waiting to be posted. There's four more bills with cheques with the same signature."

The signature was Xander's.

"But why would Xander..." Dawn wondered out loud then stopped, knowing the answer to her question. Xander would do it because that's the type of person he was.

"How long do you think he's been doing this?"

Giles just shrugged his shoulders. He doubted that if they asked Xander about it that he would give them a straight answer. Giles also doubted that Buffy knew what Xander was doing.

"Do we tell Buffy or not?" asked Dawn. "I mean, now that she's got a good paying job she can pay Xander back." They knew that once Buffy found out, she would insist on paying Xander back. They also knew that Xander would refuse to take the money.

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"I don't know. Obviously Xander didn't want anyone finding out about it, especially Buffy. Perhaps we should respect his wishes in this matter."

"But, Giles, Buffy needs to know she owes Xander and she's gonna want to repay him when she finds out."

"And she will when she eventually finds out." Giles reassured. At some point down the track Giles would help Buffy 'discover' Xander's secret. But not just yet.

Dawn huffed in frustration but let the matter go. Buffy and Xander were adult enough to eventually resolve the matter between them.

There was another matter that worried Dawn too.

"What do we do about Willow?"

Giles put his glasses back on and collected the bills off the table.

"I'm not sure yet." He told Dawn. He had some phone calls to make before he made that decision.

And it would be a decision that he alone would make.

-----

Peccatum meum cognitum tibi feci et delictum meum non abscondi.

(I have acknowledged my sin to Thee, and my guilt I have not concealed.)

-----

The house was quiet, not that it had been all that noisy today. Buffy was in her room with Willow, Dawn had gone to bed, and Giles had made a make-shift bed on the sofa downstairs.

The phone ringing interrupted the quietness.

"Hello?"

"Giles, it's Xander. I didn't wake you up did I?"

"Not really. Just doing some light reading before bed. What did the hospital say?"

"They've finished poking and prodding and X-raying and drawing blood and whatever. They wanna keep me overnight but I'm checking myself out in about 5 minutes. Can you pick me up?"

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"They're not gonna do anything that I can't do back at Buffy's, so I'm taking their bottle of pain killers and heading back to you guys."

Giles contemplated arguing the matter but decided that he wouldn't change Xander's mind.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes."

"Thanks. How's Willow?"

"Buffy's looking after her."

"Good, I'll see you in 15 then."

----

et ait: Gradiamur simul, eroque socius itineris tui.

(And he said, Let us take our journey, and let us go, and I will go before thee.)

----

The streets of Sunnydale looked deceptively peaceful as Giles and Xander drove back to Buffy's house.

"As soon as I can arrange it, I'm taking Willow with me to England so that the coven can help her." Giles declared without preamble. No 'I think I should' or 'I'd like to' nor any hint at inviting discussion over the course of action. Giles had made up his mind and that was that.

"I'm not planning on telling Buffy or Willow or anyone else until just before we leave."

"Then why are you telling me?" Xander asked, confused at why Giles was confiding in him but not the others.

"I know what you did up there." Giles told Xander, obviously alluding to the confrontation up on Kingman's Bluff. Xander looked surprised.

"What? How?"

"When Willow took the magic that the coven had given me, it opened a connection between myself and Willow. I saw what she saw, I heard what she heard. That's why I'm telling you."

"Oh." Xander went quiet, the painful memory of what happened still raw on his mind.

"You're not going to hurt her, are you?" Xander asked, a slight edge in his voice.

"No, we're going to help her come to terms with what she did, help her control her power. Hurting her is the last thing I'd want to do. Besides, you'd hunt me down and kill me if I did."

"This isn't a laughing matter, Giles!" Anger burned in Xander's eyes.

"I know it's not. It's a deadly serious business and I wasn't joking. You would stop at nothing to protect Willow and that's good. Right now Willow needs that strength, that love more than ever. I'm relying on you to help her recover, both now and once she returns from England."

Xander calmed down at the explanation. Giles was right.

"Buffy needs help as well. Dawn too." Xander observed. There was so much that needed fixing but he was determined to make it right.

"What about you?"

Xander just shrugged his shoulders and looked out the window at the passing houses.

"I'll live, Giles. I'll live."

Giles kept his contrary opinion to himself as they arrived at the Summers house.

"Relegated to the couch, hey?" Xander joked as he and Giles entered the house. It would be a long time before anyone would sleep in the room that Willow and Tara once shared.

"It could be worse; I could be sleeping in a basement."

"Laugh it up, tea drinker." The light hearted moment ended as Xander looked upstairs and contemplated the hurting friends that awaited him. Just as he reached the staircase, Giles stopped him.

"Xander, I need to thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving the world." Giles told him with a subdued but proud smile. Xander looked at Giles uncomfortably for a second before turning and heading up the stairs.

"That wasn't my intention."

Quietly, Xander slipped into the darkness of Buffy's room. He watched the sleeping forms of Buffy and Willow for a while and silently thanked whatever power that ran the universe for allowing him a second chance to make things right. Quickly he changed into his boxers and a t-shirt before sliding into the bed next to Willow.

His last thoughts before sleep claimed him were about Willow and how she slightly relaxed as her body became cocooned between him and Buffy.

----

Laboravi in gemitu meo, lavabam per singulas noctes lectum meum; lacrimis meis stratum meum rigabam.

(I have suffered and wept, every night have I washed my bed and drenched my blanket with my tears.)

---- 


	7. Chapter 7

Xander was awake before he even knew why. The why became clear an instant later as Willow's screams echoed in the darkness. Both Xander and Buffy started hugging and reassuring their friend but it took Buffy and Xander a few moments to calm Willow enough to stop screaming.

"Ssshhh... It's OK Willow. We're here."

The door to their room burst open to reveal a panicked Dawn and moments later a shirtless Giles welding a small axe.

"It's just bad dream, that's all. It's just a bad dream." Xander told them. But it wasn't just a bad dream and everyone knew it. The events of the past week were real and the damage it had done to them all was just as real.

Dawn and Giles quietly closed the door, leaving Buffy and Xander to comfort Willow who muttered horrified whisperings of blood and fire.

There would be little sleep for the three Scoobies that night.

----

Cumque venisset ad quendam locum et vellet in eo requiescere post solis occubitum, tulit de lapidibus, qui iacebant, et supponens capiti suo dormivit in eodem loco.

(And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.)

----

Willow lay wedged between Buffy and Xander, her eyes unfocused while her mind was focused on one thing only.

Tara.

Willow wanted nothing more than to have Tara back. To see her, to hold her even just for an instant.

But she knew that she would never see Tara again. Not in this world and, according to her half-forgotten Jewish upbringing, not in the next either. The blood of Warren and Rack and nearly the entire world on her hands meant that Willow would spend the afterlife in a much darker place than Tara would.

Without Tara, life and the afterlife would be empty, hollow, meaningless.

When Willow looked, she didn't see light, or hope, or comfort.

All she saw was a Tara-less void stretching out into eternity.

----

Palpitavit cor meum, dereliquit me virtus mea, et lumen oculorum meorum, et ipsum non est mecum.

(My heart is troubled, my strength hath left me, and the light of my eyes themselves is not with me.)

----

She was disturbingly passive.

Dawn watched as Willow sat at the kitchen table, slowly and mechanically eating her meal.

Dawn could see that Xander and Buffy were trying their best to coax Willow out from where ever she had gone mentally, but Willow remained in her own little world. Neither of them was pushing the issue to any great extent at the moment, unsure of what the right course of action should be.

Or how they should act around her.

Dawn wasn't sure either, a situation made worse by ambivalent feelings towards Willow. Dawn had counted Willow as one of her closest friends ever since she had moved to Sunnydale and Dawn mourned Tara's murder as much as anyone else. But there had been things said and done during Willow's rampage that Dawn could not forgive easily, if they could be forgiven at all.

Dawn's perception of those around her and her relationships with them had undergone a massive change. No longer did she put Willow up on a pedestal as her role model. Gone were the days when Dawn passively expected someone, be it Buffy, or Tara, or Willow, to fill the role left by her mother's death.

And Spike was number one on her 'to dust' list for what he did, or at least tried to do, to Buffy.

Earlier, Giles had attempted to sort out what was happening with Tara's body. The authorities were trying to get in contact with Tara's family and refused to speak to him, let alone hand over the slain Wicca's body. Dawn had a few choice words for her opinion of the authorities.

The phone rang and Dawn answered it.

"Xander, it's for you." Dawn informed him, waving the phone at him.

"Who is it?"

"Doctor something. I didn't quite catch their last name."

Xander went over and took the phone.

"Hello... speaking... um, I don't know. Is it important?... Alright... What time?" Xander checked his watch "yeah, I can make it... OK... see you then... bye." Xander hung up the phone.

"What's up?" Dawn asked.

"The doc wants me to come in."

"Why?"

"Don't know. Probably follow up on my X-rays or something. Hopefully I can get some more of that stuff they gave me at the hospital 'cause that was some of the good stuff, if you know what I mean."

"How are your ribs this morning?" Giles inquired, entering the kitchen.

"Not too bad. Still hurt like hell, but not as bad as they could have been, thanks to Buffy's tender loving care." Xander sat down beside Buffy who blushed a little.

"Gotta look after my friends." Buffy said. Willow had finished her lunch and was staring down at her hands in her lap. As Buffy took Willow's plate to the sink, Dawn thought that Willow wouldn't react even if Giles pulled out an axe and proceeded to cut Willow's head off.

Maybe punishment is what Willow wanted.

"Just let me know when you want me to take you there." Offered Giles.

"Thanks." Xander accepted then looked at his watch. "I better go have a shower before I go."

Buffy sat back down beside Willow and took the Wicca's hand in her own, a silent gesture telling Willow that she wasn't alone, forgotten, or unloved. Watching them, Xander was doubly glad. Glad for Buffy's help in supporting their best friend, and glad that Buffy was no longer isolating herself from her fellow Scoobies.

He got up, gently kissed the top of Willow's head, and headed off to the shower.

----

Viditque in somnio scalam stantem super terram et cacumen illius tangens caelum, angelos quoque Dei ascendentes et descendentes per eam.

(And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.)

----

Laying beside Willow, Buffy had trouble sleeping. When Giles had returned without Xander he explained that Xander had gone back to his apartment, ostensibly to attend to some matters there. Both Buffy and Giles knew that it was Xander seeking some time alone to himself.

Buffy couldn't blame Xander for wanting to be alone for a while; the last few weeks had been the purest form of hell for everybody.

But as evening became night and midnight came and went, Xander still hadn't returned and Buffy grew worried. Not so much for his safety (although she always worried about the safety of her friends) rather her fear that he wouldn't come back.

Oh, he'd be back tonight or in the morning, of that Buffy was sure. But what about later? Would, at some point in the not too distant future, Xander leave her?

The very idea of Xander leaving gave Buffy in a mild panic attack. Buffy knew she had abandonment issues, especially when it came to the men in her life. Xander, alone among all the men, had never left her. Along with Willow, he formed the very bedrock of her life.

And yet she still feared Xander leaving.

In a moment painful clarity, Buffy asked herself why shouldn't he leave? For his friends? One of which was currently a basket case while the other.  
Being perfectly honest with herself, Buffy had to admit that they; Willow, Xander, and herself, hadn't exactly been friends for a long time. The point when they had stopped being friends was hard to pin down exactly, but somewhere down the line friendship had given way to routine masked by a thinning veneer of memory, patched up only when the rusty, broken insides started showing.

One of their biggest problems was that they never truly fixed their problems.

Buffy wanted to change that. Buffy wanted it to be like it was before...

Before what?

What had happened that so altered their friendship?

When she had first arrived in Sunnydale things were great. Willow and Xander made her laugh a lot. They did things together; not just Slayer related stuff, but normal friendship stuff. The three of them were inseparable.

Until they became separated.

It all started making sense to Buffy now.

Angel had been the first strain on the friendship. Xander's issue with Angel had been manageable up until Angel had lost his soul. Buffy and Xander's friendship had taken further hits after Angel's return from Hell and Buffy heading off to college until it finally crashed and burned after Spike.

Buffy and Willow's friendship had remained good (although it too had suffered somewhat with the Scooby Gang's general drift away from each other) right up until the arrival of Tara on the scene. It wasn't because Willow had come out as gay (though it did add a slight element of awkwardness that hadn't previously existed), rather it was the fact that Buffy was no longer Willow's number one, closest female friend whom she could relate to. Added to the lingering resentment she felt towards Willow for pulling her out of heaven, it was little wonder that their friendship had flat lined.

Then there was the tragedy that was Willow and Xander's friendship.

Ironically it was Buffy's arrival that started the breakdown of their friendship. Buffy had displaced Xander as Willow's closest confidant and Willow as the centre of Xander's daily attention. Cordelia, Oz, and the Fluke saw the friendship put one foot in the grave, only to have Xander sleeping with Faith put the final nail in the coffin.

And last (and certainly not least) there was Buffy herself. In the beginning she had tried so hard to be as normal as possible. She didn't want the Slayer to be the sum total of her life, that she would be more than just the Slayer. And initially she was pretty successful in her aim, thanks largely to her bond with her mom and her friends.

But her bond with her friends had weakened and the Scoobies had drifted apart. When this had started was hard to pin point but it had progressed so much by the first year of college that Spike had been able to exploit it with devastating effect.

Then her mom died.

By the time Buffy leapt off the tower, she welcomed death with open arms.

When she crawled out of her grave and into the darkness, Buffy Summers embraced the darkness that surrounds a Slayer. She had found life in the light too hard to cope with, too demanding, too lonely. She had forgotten, indeed had come to resent her greatest asset in living in the light.

Her friends.

They; Buffy, Willow, and Xander; had only themselves to blame for what had happened to their friendship.

But there was hope.

Before Warren arrived, she and Xander had taken the first tentative steps at reconciliation. Had the firestorm caused by Warren not occurred, it would have been likely that that step would have only been yet another patch up job. A band aid on a wound that needed major surgery.

Not now.

Things between her and Willow would probably improve once she and Willow came to grips with what happened. Helping Willow cope with the aftermath of what happened would pull the Scoobies together again. No longer would Buffy isolate herself from her friends. She needed them and they needed her.  
And the greatest potential hope was Willow and Xander.

Something powerful happened between them up there on that hill. How Xander was able to stop Willow and save the world, Buffy wasn't too clear on. But the tenderness and love Xander had shown towards Willow since then boded well for not just for Willow and Xander, but for all of them.

Buffy closed her eyes as her worry eased a little. There was real hope in their future.

She was asleep in less than a minute of closing her eyes.

----

Et ecce, ego tecum sum et custodiam te, quocumque perrexeris, et reducam te in terram hanc; nec dimittam te, nisi complevero quae dixi tibi.

(And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.)

---- 


	8. Chapter 8

"Anya." 

In her time with Xander she had seen him at some of the lowest points in his life. But as she materialised in his bathroom, the sight of a broken man greeted her.

He lay curled up and fully clothed at the bottom of the shower, mindless of the cold spray pelting him. His eyes, puffy and red from hours of tears, slowly raised up to look upon the Vengeance Demon.

Their hollow, lifeless look briefly sent a shiver down Anya's spine.

She reached in and shut the water off, then hauled Xander to his feet and stripped him of his sodden clothes. Grabbing a towel, she wrapped him in it and led him into his bedroom.

"Get dressed."

"Huh?"

"I said get dressed, Xander!" Anya snapped. "My days of talking to you while you're naked are long gone, so get dressed!" she ordered. When Xander made no move to comply she opened his draws and started flinging clothes at him.

"Put some goddamned clothes on!" she practically screamed at him.

Xander flinched a little at her outburst but slowly he got dressed. The two ex lovers looked at each other.

"I know why you're here." Xander said flatly.

"Good. We can get this over with quickly and I can get on with my life without ever seeing you again."

Xander just sat on his bed in silence.

"Well? Come on! I haven't got all day!"

Xander closed his eyes and struggled with a flood of mixed and contrary emotions before he listened to his heart once again.

When he opened his eyes again, a spark of life had returned to them with his decision.

"No."

Anya was shocked and outraged at his decision, but there was a small part of her that wasn't. She ignored that part. After all, it was that part of her that had allowed Xander to be able to hurt her so badly in the first place.

"What?"

"I said no." he reaffirmed.

"You're joking, right?" one look at Xander confirmed that he wasn't. "I don't believe it! No, wait. I actually DO believe it! After all, you're Xander the Great and Noble who wouldn't wish vengeance on anyone or do anything to hurt someone like, say, RUNNING OUT ON THEIR WEDDING DAY!"

Anya's words stung like a slap across Xander's face. He felt he deserved to be yelled at, to be slapped, to be punished for hurting Anya the way he did that day.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Is that all you've got to say? Sorry? Sorry isn't good enough! So it will be like, what, Willow can just say sorry and that will be that? Damn it! This isn't about Willow taking the last slice of pizza! She..."

"I know EXACTLY what she did!" Xander yelled back angrily.

"And yet you sit here and defend her. You're a fool."

"Always have been. Can't see a reason why I should stop being one at this late stage of the game." Xander shrugged.

Anya stared intensely down at Xander before realising something.

"You're not going to tell them are you?"

Xander looked away and shook his head.

Anya burst out laughing.

"Xander Harris, you are unbelievable, you know that? You're just gonna lie and lie and lie and keep on lying to them until it blows up in their faces and you'll leave them to pick up the pieces."

Xander said nothing.

"I take it back. You're not a fool. You're a selfish coward."

"I have my reasons." He told her. Anya just snorted.

"You have your excuses, more like it."

Xander sighed in frustration.

"Are we done here yet? I'd like to get back to Buffy's."

Anya was seething.

"Damn you. Damn you to hell!"

A small, sad smile curled Xander's lips.

"I already am."

----

Cur clam fugisti et decepisti me, non indicans mihi, ut prosequerer te cum gaudio et canticis et tympanis et citharis?

(Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and with songs, with tabret, and with harp?)

----

Upon awaking the next morning, Buffy was greeted by the welcome sight of a sleeping Xander snuggled up on the other side of Willow. Buffy took the opportunity to closely examine her friends' faces.

By the peaceful expressions on their sleeping faces, a person could be forgiven for thinking that neither of them had a worry in the world. But a closer look revealed the tell-tail signs to the contrary.

Willow's skin, pale at the best of times, had an almost sickly pallor to it and the dark patches under her eyes combined in such a way as to remind Buffy of a heroin addict. Which in a way wasn't too far off the truth.

Her hair was the beautiful shade of red that Buffy had always liked. There was no trace of the deep black that had so signified the dark impulses Willow had given herself over to. It was matted by perspiration and tangled in the tossing and turning of nightmares.

Buffy wondered if Willow's nightmares would ever go away.

Xander's face was dominated by the large gashes across his cheek, which were healing quickly thanks to Tara's salve. Xander's tan was darker than what Buffy remembered, which made sense once she remembered that he worked outdoors much of the time.

Buffy made a mental note to work on her own fading tan over the summer.

What surprised and saddened Buffy most about Xander's face were the worry lines across his forehead. They weren't as bad as Giles' but they were deeper and more numerous than anyone their age should have.

None of the Scoobies were teenagers any more. They were getting older, more experienced, and more powerful as the years rolled on. Were they getting wiser? She didn't know but hoped so.

She did know, however that she was getting hungry. Rolling over, she saw that it was after ten. Slipping out of bed, she softly padded out of the room and headed down to the kitchen.

----

Dixitque: Dimitte me, iam enim ascendit aurora. Respondit: Non dimittam te, nisi benedixeris mihi.

(And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.)

----


	9. Chapter 9

After lunch Giles brought all of them into the lounge room for an announcement. 

"I'm taking Willow back to England with me. The coven in Devon will be best able to give the help to Willow that she needs."

The two Summers sisters started bombarding Giles with questions while Xander sat passively, almost like Willow beside him.

Giles held his hand up to silence the pair.

"Please!" They quietened down, allowing Giles a chance to answer some of their questions.

"This has nothing to do with the Council and Willow's not being punished. The coven will be able to help her."

"When do you leave?" Xander asked quietly.

"Tonight." Giles informed him.

"I'm coming with you." Xander stated.

"No."

"Giles..."

"I said no. While I appreciate your desire to help Willow by being there for her, this is something that Willow must do by herself. The most important thing right now is to get Willow in control of her powers and only the coven can do that."

"I'm coming with you, so deal!" Insisted Xander rising to his feet.

"Guys!"

Both men looked over at Dawn who flicked her eyes towards Willow. Xander shuffled on his feet for a moment, looking at Willow then Giles.

He sat back down and closed his eyes.

"OK." Xander conceded. "How long will you be gone?"

"As long as it takes."

Xander opened his eyes and looked to Willow, Buffy, and Dawn for any sign of objection.

There was none.

"Look after her Giles."

"I promise." Giles vowed solemnly.

"Then we need to get Willow's things together. Dawn, could you give me a hand?" Buffy asked. Together the sisters lead Willow upstairs to pack her bags.

"What about Tara?" Xander asked the Englishman.

"If they haven't reached Tara's family soon they've agreed to release her body into our custody. I'll need you to oversee the funeral arrangements."

"Don't you think you should delay the trip until... you know... after the funeral? Willow would want to be there." Xander suggested.

"What do you think Tara would have wanted?"

Xander's shoulders slumped. He knew exactly what Tara would have wanted. She would have wanted Willow to get the help she needed.

----

Custodi me ut pupillam oculi, sub umbra alarum tuarum protege me.

(Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings.)

----

It was a sad scene at the departure lounge of the airport as Giles and Willow's flight was called and tearful hugs were exchanged. Giles and Xander's handshake became a manly hug.

"Look after her for me." Xander pleaded.

"I will." Giles vowed. "And you look after them and yourself while we're gone. She's going to need all of you when she returns."

Finally it was Buffy, Xander, and Willow's turn so say goodbye. Buffy and Xander engulfed the redhead in a group hug and whispered their love for her and their wish for her speedy return to them. They only let go of her when the final boarding call for her flight was made.

They watched until Giles and Willow disappeared through the boarding gate.

"You guys gonna be Ok?" Dawn asked a deeply saddened Xander and Buffy. Xander just shook his head. Buffy put her arm around Xander and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Not until she gets back." Buffy told her sister.

----

Retine gressus meos in semitis tuis, ut non moveantur vestigia mea.

(Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.)

----


	10. Chapter 10

None of them felt like cooking that night so Xander ordered Chinese for the remaining Scoobies. 

They were very subdued, especially Xander who said hardly anything, allowing Dawn to try to fill the silence with the occasional question or remark.

Clearing away the remains of the meal, the three sat down on the couch together to watch TV. Flipping through the channels and finding nothing terribly exciting, they settled on an old John Wayne western.

"You know what the first thing I'm gonna get when I start my new and, might I add, vastly better paid job? Decent cable." Buffy declared.

"Great, that means we'll spend even longer looking at more channels only to find that there's still nothing worth watching." Grumbled Dawn. Buffy struggled to come up with a counterpoint.

"But think about it, there's all sorts of... stuff. Educational things like... documentaries... about lions."

Dawn snorted in mock disgust.

"Fabulous. You promise to show me the world, I get the Discovery Channel." Dawn went back to watching the Duke dispense justice in the Old West. "When do you start the new job?"

"Next week. I've gotta go hand in my cow hat at the Double Meat tomorrow."

"That's gotta be heartbreaking."

"And yet somehow I'll find a way to cope."

Buffy surprised herself by enjoying the movie. Normally she wasn't much of a western fan but tonight she was.

As the credits rolled, she looked down at Dawn, fast asleep with her head in Buffy's lap and the rest of her body crunched and twisted into an almost painful shape on the end of the couch.

Buffy herself was leaning up against Xander who was starting to nod off himself. She gently shook Dawn awake.

"Come on, time to get to bed."

Dawn mumbled a response and got up, stretching with cat like grace, and shuffled upstairs.

"I'd better get going too." Xander told Buffy as they got up.

"Going? Going where?"

"Home, Buffy. You know, that place I'm renting for not a small amount of money but hardly ever seem to be there."

"Oh." Buffy deflated a little. "It's just... well, it's late and I thought... you might wanna stay here tonight."

Xander considered it for a moment. True, it was late and he really didn't feel like heading back to his place after being though the emotional roller-coaster of the last few days.

"Yeah, I think I might stay. The couch is pretty comfy to crash on." Observed Xander.

Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but then thought better of it. Instead she went to the linen closet to get pillows and blankets for Xander before heading up to bed herself.

----

et vidi caelum novum et terram novam primum enim caelum et prima terra abiit et mare iam non est

(And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.)

----

Lying in bed, Buffy couldn't to get to sleep, her thought drifting aimlessly. No matter how she tossed and turned she was completely unable to get comfortable. She was contemplating getting up and going on a late night patrol when there was a faint tap at her door.

It opened to reveal Xander who hesitantly took a step inside before stopping, unsure if he should turn around and go back to the couch.

Buffy pulled the sheets down beside her in invitation to Xander to join her, which he did. Xander instinctively snuggled close to her and Buffy held him reassuringly.

There was a Willow shaped hole in their hearts that night as Buffy and Xander fell asleep in Buffy's room.

----

Ego obdormivi et soporatus sum, exsurrexi, quia Dominus suscepit me.

(I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me.)

----


	11. Chapter 11

A week after Giles and Willow left they buried Tara. As her casket was lowered into the ground, Buffy, Dawn, and Xander wept openly, mourning their loss. 

In her short life, Dawn had watched her mother, then her only sister, be buried in the cold, dark earth. Now she watched for a third time someone she loved reach their journey's end.

Buffy had returned from her grave.

Her mother and Tara never would.

Nobody knew the fragility of human life better than the Scoobies. Dawn also knew that without the Scoobies there would be far, far more people suffering the loss of loved ones. But right then, Dawn didn't care.

Tara was dead and that was all that mattered.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Xander drew Buffy and Dawn together in a hug, the embrace as much about seeking solace from them as it was about giving it. Dawn looked up and wasn't surprised to the haunted look on his face as he watched the proceedings.

Sooner or later, they would all finish their life's journey here.

----

Quoniam non est in morte, qui memor sit tui; in inferno autem quis confitebitur tibi?

(For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?)

----

Afterwards, back home, they shared a quiet remembrance of their fallen friend. They laughed at the funny memories of times with Tara and cried when they realised there would be no more.

Dawn wondered how Willow was going.

Giles had called once he and Willow had arrived safely in England and gave them an address that they could write to.

They all missed Willow, especially Xander.

Dawn decided to cook that night. The funeral had been hard on them but it seemed to hit Xander hardest of all. Dawn wondered if it was because Xander blamed himself for not stopping Warren. If so, then Dawn thought it to be ridiculous. Not even Buffy with all her Slayer speed and strength was able to stop Warren.

As it was it had been a miracle that Xander had kept Buffy alive long enough for the paramedics to arrive.

Then there was the unknown miracle of how he saved the world.

Xander was down and Buffy was doing her best to be there for him, cheer him up even a little. It was a task made even more difficult as the funeral had forced Buffy to confront her own deaths.

The plural made Dawn tremble slightly.

Dawn busied herself in the kitchen and tried not to think about that particular subject too much.

Buffy's efforts with Xander eventually paid off. During dinner Xander seemed to perk up a little more. He wasn't a happy smiling Xander by any means, but he wasn't the black hole of misery that he had been since the funeral. He even managed to make a joke about cooking at Buffy's expense.

This one time, Buffy's look of outrage was more faked than real.

----

Animus gaudens aetatem floridam facit, spiritus tristis exsiccat ossa.

(A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.)

----

Dawn and Xander were in the kitchen doing the washing up while Buffy went out for a quick patrol.

"Xander."

"Yeah."

"I've been thinking."

"Never a good sign."

"I'm being serious here."

"Fine. What have you been thinking?"

"I was thinking that maybe you might wanna... move in. With us."

Xander stopped what he was doing and looked at the youngest Summers.

"Move in? As in live here?"

"Yes. I mean, come on... you've been spending most of your time here and last night, the first time you actually went back to your place to sleep, Buffy ends up staying there after patrol. Why not stop the whole musical house thing and move in."

"I don't know, Dawn."

"It'll be good for you and good for Buffy. Especially Buffy."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Buffy's been through a lot, we all have. She needs all the support she can get and frankly I can't think of anyone else better than you to be there for her. She's beginning to open up, especially with you. Besides, we need someone who can reach the top shelf and unclog a drain."

Xander chuckled.

"Sound more like you needing a butler."

"No. It's Buffy needing her friends here with her to help her. Not just with the slaying but with life and everything. She's got the weight of the whole world on her shoulders and nobody should have to do that alone. She needs people she can trust."

Xander considered Dawn's proposal. What she was saying was true, but he was also a little uncomfortable with the idea. He didn't want to hurt Buffy or Dawn or Willow any more than he was going to...

"Considering how much money you spent paying the bills and the mortgage I don't think it's fair for you to pay rent when we've got a room here for you."

Xander stepped back in surprise.

"How did you..."

"Giles went through the records. Don't worry, your secret is safe. I haven't told Buffy. Yet." Dawn would save that for when she would talk to Buffy about Xander moving in. "So what do you say?"

Xander gazed down at the sink, torn between two competing emotions of wanting to help and not wanting to hurt.

"It's up to Buffy." He demurred. "If she says yes then..."

"Yes."

Xander and Dawn spun around to see Buffy standing in the doorway of the kitchen with tears building in her eyes. Buffy had come back to get her jacket when she overheard their conversation.

"Buffy, I, uh..." Xander didn't know quite what to say. "Are you sure?"

Wiping away her tears with her sleeve, she nodded.

"Yeah." She looked down trying to control her emotions but failed miserably as she burst into tears. Dawn and Xander rushed over and hugged her.

"I need help."

Buffy's voice was so small and brittle.

They knew it was the three most difficult words Buffy had ever said. She was the Slayer, the proud, independent warrior who stood alone against the forces of evil. She was also a Summers woman, strong willed and stubborn like her mother before her. Admitting she couldn't handle something and asking for help was a desperate last resort.

Xander leant close to Buffy's ear and whispered.

"So do I."

----

Dissipantur cogitationes, ubi non est consilium; ubi vero sunt plures consiliarii, confirmantur.

(Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.)

----

They sat down and worked out the new arrangements. Xander would have Willow and Tara's old room and Willow, when she returned, would share with Buffy. The stuff in Xander's apartment that couldn't fit in his room would be stored in the basement until they could come up with something better.

Buffy had insisted in paying Xander back and Xander had refused to let her, both digging in stubbornly and knowing the other wasn't going to budge on the issue. Xander knew that in the end he would eventually have the last word on the matter regardless of what Buffy said or did.

He only hoped he was doing the right thing.

----

Et habitate nobiscum; terra in potestate vestra est: manete, perambulate et possidete eam.

(And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.)

----


	12. Chapter 12

"Is Dawnie still in bed?" Xander asked as he entered the kitchen. Buffy finished her toast and cleared away her breakfast. 

"It's summer break. She can stay up late and play with her Xbox as much as she likes."

"Newsflash Buffy. It's MY Xbox, not hers."

"You can have the Xbox when you prise it from her cold dead hands." Buffy joked, then realised that in Sunnydale cold dead hands could put up an extremely vigorous fight. Xander just grunted.

"She is SO not coming anywhere near my Babylon 5 plates." Xander checked the clock. "We better get moving or we'll be late for work."

"Leave the dishes for Dawn?"

Xander thought it a bit harsh for a moment, but then remembered his Xbox.

"Let's go."

----

Omnes viae hominis purae sunt oculis eius, spirituum ponderator est Dominus.

(All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the LORD weighs the motives.)

----

"The District School Board called, they want to talk about the science block." Buffy informed Mr Robinson as he returned to the office.

"Good, maybe it means that they've finally decided to give the go ahead. They've been stalling on the final decision for so long that it's not going to be ready before the school officially opens." Jim groused. The one thing he hated was indecision. In the Corps they taught him that indecision could be deadly.

"Did you and Xander get a chance to look over the blue prints?"

The School board's decision to clear away the rubble and rebuild the new school on top of the old one was, in Buffy's opinion, the stupidest idea in the history of California.

Which was saying a lot.

Xander had gotten a copy of the old school blue prints and compared them to the new ones. His concern was the location of the Hellmouth.

"Have they announced the name of the new principal yet?" Buffy asked her boss who shook his head.

"I haven't heard anything at the PTA, why?"

"Guess whose office now sits on top of the Hellmouth?"

Jim Robinson was blessed with an ability at appreciate the dark side of life.

"I always thought as a kid that getting called into the principal's office was a one way ticket to hell." He laughed.

"Maybe he can keep the tradition of principal snacks."

"What?"

"The last two principals got eaten. The first one by hyena possessed students, the last by a giant evil mayor snake."

"Hey, don't blame me. I vote straight ticket Republican."

Buffy handed Jim a large pile of files and letters for his signature.

"You know, when Emily was here, I didn't have half the paperwork you seem to be dumping on me." Complained Jim. Buffy laughed.

"That's because Emily could forge your signature. My talents lie elsewhere."

Jim chuckled and headed into his office with his paperwork.

"That they do, Buffy. That they do."

----

Ei autem, qui operatur, merces non reputatur secundum gratiam sed secundum debitum;

(Now to one who works, wages are not reckoned as a gift but as something due.)

----

It was a Saturday and the two Summers sisters were out in the backyard.

"OK, you remember what I taught you?"

Buffy had decided that Dawn would be safer if she knew how to defend herself better. With the Magic Box out of commission they were forced to use the backyard as a training ground. At the moment Buffy was teaching Dawn basic throwing techniques.

"Yeah, yeah. I gotta use my hips."

They assumed their positions; Dawn standing in the ready position with Buffy standing behind her. After a couple of seconds Buffy grabbed Dawn from behind, the idea being that Dawn would use a simple hip toss to dislodge the Slayer.

That was the idea anyway.

The rather than sending Buffy crashing into the grass, Dawn was the one who ended up landing flat on her pert little butt.

Dawn's frustration at botching the throw was compounded by embarrassment as she saw Xander leaning up against the back door watching them.

"What are you so happy about?" Buffy asked Xander who looked pretty contented.

"Let's see... two beautiful young women... getting all hot and sweaty... What's not to be happy about? Hell, my eyes haven't feasted on such a wonderful sight since you and Faith trained together." Xander admitted then looked over to Dawn and winked at her "Mind you, Dawnie is ten times sexier than Faith and hasn't tried killing me either which just adds to the attraction."

Dawn blushed a deep red as her insides got all fluttery at the flattery. Buffy on the other hand was glaring daggers at Xander.

"Keep hitting on my sister and I'M gonna kill you." Buffy growled. Xander decided to take his life into his own hands and have some fun at Buffy's expense.

"Now, I'm not the Slayer or anything and in six years I've not once been offered training." Xander couldn't resist the jab at Buffy "But I've been around long enough to figure out what the problem is here."

"Problem?" Buffy challenged.

"Yeah. Two actually. First problem is the fact that no matter what you do Dawn, you'll never have the strength or speed or instincts of a Slayer. I've noticed a couple of times when Buffy's forgotten that and gotten annoyed when you didn't get something straight away. You're good, really good Dawnie, but Buffy's got to remember to take things a little slower with us mere mortals."

"And the second thing?" Buffy asked; her temper cooled a little. Xander's observation was a valid one.

"Buffy, you're trying to show Dawn how to do a hip throw. How? You don't have hips, not since high school anyway."

Dawn burst out laughing as an outraged Buffy charged Xander down and slapped him around the shoulders and arms. In a huff, Buffy sat down on the back step and pouted.

"You don't like my teaching methods? Fine. YOU teach Dawn."

"I will."

Xander wandered over to where Dawn stood.

"Okey doekey. The hip toss. Handy when a vamp sneaks up behind you for a nibble on your neck. You want me to show you or do you want to practice it some more?"

"I wanna practice." Dawn decided.

Xander took position behind Dawn. He waited a couple of seconds then grabbed Dawn like a vampire would. However, Dawn, rather than tossing Xander as she was supposed to, just stood there, a naughty smile appearing on her face.

"Umm... Dawnie... Dawn... anytime now." Xander prompted. In response Dawn leaned back and snuggled into Xander's chest.

"DAWN!" Buffy bellowed. Dawn let loose a frightened squeal and the next thing Xander saw was ground and then sky before landing heavily on his back, winding him. Buffy and Dawn rushed to him to make sure he was ok.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Dawn apologized profusely.

"Are you alright?" Buffy asked the prostrate Scooby.

"I'm good." He told them as he regained his breath. He knew he'd have a sore back for a day or two after this. Still on the ground, he looked up at the two Summers sisters.

"All we need to do now is take you" he pointed to Dawn "on patrol and get you" he pointed to Buffy "to yell at her" he pointed back at Dawn "and we'll have all our vampire problems fixed in no time."

Buffy helped Xander to his feet. Xander straightened up gingerly and headed inside.

"Aren't you going to keep training Dawn any more?" Buffy teased.

"Hell no! You girls play too rough for me. I'm going to take a relaxing bath."

"Need a hand with that?" Dawn asked hopefully.

"NO!" Buffy and Xander yelled at the same time. Dawn pouted.

"Ruin my fun."

----

Usquequo, piger, dormies? Quando consurges e somno tuo?

(How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?)

----


	13. Chapter 13

"The summer has been pretty quiet, even by the normal Sunnydale standards. I guess that most of the demon population ran once Willow started her rampage. I'd run too if was them. A very pissed off, uber powerful Scooby would be something I'd want to avoid if I was a vamp." Xander chuckled of a moment then turned serious. 

"I wish I could be there with her. I don't like the idea of being too far from Willow these days. I know that she's gotta do what she's gotta do. But I still miss her." Xander swallowed the lump that threatened to form in his throat and struggled to compose himself.

"Dawnie. What can I say, other than wow? She's growing up so fast. Smart and beautiful, as you'd expect from a Summers woman. Tough too. She's patrolling with us these days. I'm not all that comfortable with it and Buffy down right hates it, but we haven't got much of a choice.

"Dawn wants to do her part in the good fight. She pointed out that me and Willow chose to take up the fight when we were her age. Pointed out how much it hurt me when Buffy and Willow tried to keep me safe by keeping me out of the fight. Her mental judo worked. She got me on side and together we got Buffy to cave in and let her patrol. Buffy trains her which is Dawn's concession to us.

"Of course Dawn bringing up the 'You hurt Xander when you tried to push him away for his own safety' thing got Buffy wanting to talk to me about it. Ordinarily I'd be happy to, but I want Willow to be here as well for this discussion. It's not just a Buffy-Xander issue. It's a Buffy-Xandr-Willow issue. Most of our issues are.

"When Willow gets back, we'll deal with them. We have to if we're going to avoid the mistakes of the past. I've got to try to fix things before... before it's too late." Xander looked away and tried to blink away the tears that started filling his eyes.

"Anyway, I hope you like the flowers. I tried to remember what you liked. I'm gonna head over and talk with Tara for a bit. I hope she likes her flowers too."

Xander gently brushed his finger tips against Joyce's headstone.

"I'll see you later." he promised before walking towards Tara's grave.

----

Propterea accipite armaturam Dei, ut possitis resistere in die malo et, omnibus perfectis, stare.

(Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.)

----

Saturday nights had become something of a ritual for the remaining Scoobies. Dubbed the 'Saturday Night Social' by Dawn, it saw Xander and the two Summers sisters do an early patrol (being summer the vamp activity was pretty low) then head back to the house for a night in together. Buffy had been against taking Dawn with them on patrol but Xander and Dawn had managed to talk her around.

After a couple of patrols Buffy had to admit that Dawn was becoming pretty good, not that Buffy was all that happy with Dawn patrolling in the first place.

After patrol they would go back home for a late dinner and a night on the couch, watching TV, or just plain hanging out together. Sometimes Dawn would stay at a friends place, allowing Buffy and Xander to talk about issues that they didn't feel comfortable talking about in front of Dawn.

Which, if it helped Buffy and Xander get their lives back together again, Dawn didn't mind.

It also let Buffy and Xander share a couple of glasses of wine while they talked.

"Really? I didn't think Anya swung that way." A tipsy Buffy exclaimed halfway through her fourth glass for the night.

The two of them were comfortably lounging on the couch, Buffy in her pajamas while Xander relaxed in his boxers and an old t shirt.

"She doesn't. She just wanted to know what it was that Willow to jumped the fence for. Anya figured that Tara must have been dynamite in the sack and Anya was all for trying new things in the bedroom at least once."

"She didn't... you know..." hinted Buffy with a motion of her free hand.

"No, but it was touch and go. She was just gonna march up to Tara and proposition her. I had a hell of a time trying to talk her out of it."

"How'd you do it?"

"Well, there was a part of me that didn't want to talk her out of it. The idea of watching two beautiful women getting it on is a classic male fantasy." Xander explained.

"Men are such pigs." Buffy observed rolling her eyes. "Hang on" she said a few seconds later "you said watch. Anya was going to let you watch?"

"She insisted. Which, as I'll explain in a second, gave me the opening to talk her out of it.

"Now, the actual chances of Tara agreeing to Anya's request was slim to none in the first place. But that wouldn't stop her from asking Tara, thus guaranteeing a world of awkwardness when Tara rejected her, which we all know now that Anya doesn't take rejection all that well."

Two big issues that Xander and Buffy had avoided so far had been Spike and Xander's failed wedding. They had touched on it every now and then but no discussion of the nitty gritty yet. Soon they would, but not yet and probably not before Willow returned.

"So how did you talk her out of it?"

"I tried convincing her that Tara wouldn't be interested in Anya. Big mistake. The next couple of days Anya was all 'why not? Don't you think I'm attractive enough? Who's more attractive, Willow or me?'"

Buffy burst out laughing.

"I bet that was a fun time to be you." She snickered.

"Yeah, real fun." Xander grumped. "So I changed tracks on her. I explained that Anya may not be the only one who wanted to experiment and that Tara might want to make a visit to Xandertown."

"I take it that this argument didn't stop her."

"Nope. Anya only figured it to be fair and that Tara would have no interest in me beyond a once off encounter. Did wonders for my ego to hear that. So I had to play one last desperate hand and use my ace in the hole. The Willow card."

"Oh boy." Buffy winced. When it came to Willow and Xander, Anya went nuts with paranoia. Buffy thought Anya overreacted at times but Willow and Xander did have a history and there was definitely something deep between the two. Xander had tried very hard to smooth things out between his best friend and his girlfriend and their rivalry over him drove him insane. So to stoke that particular fire was truly an act of a desperate man.

"You can say that again. I think I did too good a job because after that Anya just flat out did not trust Willow for ages. When you think about it, it was pretty stupid. Anya worried about me and Willow, who was all about the girls, being alone for more than five seconds but she never really worried about you and me spending all night together patrolling. I'm not all that sure if I should be happy about what that says about me. Or you for that matter."

The comment made Buffy think about her and Xander's relationship. She knew that Xander had had a huge crush on her back in high school and she also knew that Xander still found her attractive. She'd catch him checking her out occasionally which gave her a bit of an ego boost.

Suddenly Buffy wondered why she hadn't shown more interest in Xander before now. If she was honest with herself she had to admit that Xander had a lot going for him. He was kind and funny and brave. She trusted him with her life and the lives of everyone she held dear.

And to be completely and utterly honest she had found herself physically attracted to him on quite a few occasions, especially lately. She would wake up in the morning, curled up against him, feeling so safe and loved. A couple of times she very nearly kissed the sleeping Scooby.

But whenever she did she dismissed it, pushed it out of her mind, convinced herself that she didn't think of Xander that way.

But she did.

So where did that leave them now?

"Earth to Buffy, come in Buffy." Xander said waving his hand in front of her face.

"Sorry about that." She apologized.

"Deep thoughts?"

"The deepest." She confirmed.

"Care to share?"

"When I figure what exactly they are I'll give you a call."

"I'm here for you anytime if you need me." He reassured.

"You always are." She told him, sipping her wine and adding that thought into her previous ones.

Her feelings towards Xander were changing. But changing to what?

----

Ego diligentes me diligo; et, qui mane vigilant ad me, invenient me.

(I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me.)

----

Sitting under an oak tree, Willow enjoyed a moment of solitude in the afternoon sun. In her lap were two letters, one from Buffy and Dawn and the other from Xander, the latter surprising Willow greatly. You had to virtually put a gun to Xander's head to get him to put pen to paper, but here she was reading six pages of Xander's chicken scratching style of handwriting.

It was so hard to cope sometimes.

When she had come here she had expected to be punished, thrown in the deepest dungeon and stripped of her magic. Maybe even killed outright. Instead Giles and the Coven helped her with her grief and her magic. The Coven had taught her the true ways of Wicca that the books Willow had studied never did. They helped her learn to balance and control her magic and use it wisely. By getting in touch with all the aspects of Wicca, Willow found herself discovering more of the fundamental elements of Tara that she never really got until now.

Thoughts of Tara made her heart ache.

Not a day passed when she didn't think of her. Loosing Tara was still an open wound that was slowly closing but would never fully heal. What she did after Tara's death was something that Willow couldn't make up for with just a simple apology.

She would spend the rest of her life trying to atone for her sins. That was something she swore to Tara to do.

Soon she would have to return to Sunnydale to restart her life and face her friends. It was a terrifying prospect made a little easier with the love and support that came through the letters she held.

Willow learned that nothing in nature is truly above it all, that everything was dependent on something else for its survival. Willow was dependent on her friends and together they were dependent on each other. Not just for survival on the Hellmouth, but for balance.

Hand.

Heart.

Spirit.

Mind.

Each had their role and all were needed.

Even her.

The task filled her with fear and dread.

----

intendens ad sapientiam aurem tuam, inclinans cor tuum ad cognoscendam prudentiam;

(Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding)

----


	14. Chapter 14

"What are you doing?" 

Xander had been going around measuring the house and the backyard all morning and curiosity had gotten the best of Buffy.

"Nothing." Xander told her, doing his best to look innocent and failing even more miserably than usual. He quickly dropped the act as he realized it was pointless.

"Alright, alright... you were gonna find out sooner or later seeing how I've got to ask your permission before I start work."

"Work?"

"Yeah. I guess it'll be easier to explain if I start from the start.

"I've been talking to Giles a lot lately. Mostly to check on Willow and let Giles know how we're going and stuff. Anyway, one of the things that I've also been doing for him is wrapping up the Magic Box. Will completely wrecked the place but thankfully the insurance company decided that the damage was caused by the earthquake so they coughed up the money. I also went through what was left of the stock in the Magic Box and what I could salvage the Watchers Council brought. I guess that Giles has got a friend in the accounts department because they paid a fortune.

"Upshot of all this is that Giles has this big pot of money sitting in the bank and he's wondering what he should do with it."

"He isn't going to rebuild the Magic Box?" Buffy asked.

"I suggested that but he's had enough of retail. Besides, Anya was the real driving force and these days she isn't much into retail either."

Anya's return to the Vengeance Demon fold was an awkward issue and one that the Scoobies would have to deal with sooner or later. But right now neither Buffy nor Xander was in any rush to deal with it.

"I made a couple of other suggestions but in the end he decided that the best use of the money would be to help you out. Since you don't have the Magic Box to use for training and research anymore he suggested that we could build an extension on the house here. I talked it over with Jim and he's happy to let me run with the job and use the guys from work and stuff.

"In fact the only person I haven't talked to about it yet is you. So, how about it? We'll extend the basement, move the washing machine and all that other stuff out and convert it into a training room. We can then extend the side of the house for a laundry, research room, garage... On the second level I also want to add an extra bathroom and a bedroom for me so that Willow doesn't have to share with you or Dawn. Oh, and any money left over gets used to pay off the house. Giles was adamant about that."

Emotionally overwhelmed, Buffy hugged Xander, tears rolling down her face.

"One of these days we're gonna hug and there'll be no crying involved."

----

sedit in foribus domus suae super sellam in excelsis urbis,

(She sits at the doorway of her house, on a seat by the high places of the city)

----

Buffy went to her usual lunch time spot under the shade of a tree across the road from the construction site. Normally Xander would join her and the two of them would eat lunch and chat and just generally hang out. But Xander was on the other side of town supervising the loading of some equipment for the site, so Buffy was alone.

She wasn't alone for long as Ricky, one of the plumbing guys, wandered over.

"Mind if I sit with you?" Buffy, a mouth full of sandwich, gestured for him to sit down.

The two sat in silence as they ate their lunch.

"I'll be glad when the school is finished. The kids won't have to travel as far." Ricky remarked, striking up a conversation.

"I don't mind having to drive Dawn to school." Buffy was more than willing to do what it took to keep Dawn away from Hellmouth High.

"It's not the drive that worries me. Carlos, my son, keeps getting into trouble. He's not a bad kid, just keeps falling into the wrong crowd. Maybe a change of schools will help."

Buffy smiled as she remembered how her mother used to say the exact same thing before she found out about Buffy's calling.

"I was forever in the principal's bad books. Skipping school, cutting classes, getting into fights..."

Ricky looked at her in amazement.

"No way! You?" he couldn't believe it.

"It's not as bad as it sounds and, I know this will sound really lame but, it really wasn't my fault. I never started it."

Ricky laughed.

"You sound just like my Carlos. It's never his fault."

Buffy flushed with embarrassment.

"I shouldn't laugh too much. I wasn't exactly an angel at school either. Or even afterwards." Ricky admitted.

"Couldn't have been that bad." Buffy insisted.

"Really? I did time for re-birthing cars."

"I've got that beat. Once I was wanted for murder."

"What?" Ricky couldn't believe his ears. This tiny little girl a murderer?

"I didn't do it, but I had to skip town until it got all cleared up."

"You're kidding!"

"No, I had to change my name and everything. Eventually I was cleared but it was a pretty bad time."

Buffy wiped her hands on her jeans and sighed.

"My parents got divorced and I haven't seen or heard from my dad in years. Then mom died and suddenly I find myself having to look after my little sister. I've got to be this parent figure to Dawn but I don't know how to be a good parent. All I know is that I don't want Dawn to make the same mistakes I did. I want her to have a better life than I did."

"If that's all you know then I think you're on the way to being a good parent. I'm not the best dad in the world, but I try. You love your sister and you try to do what's best for her. That's the important part. Besides, she's, what, 15 or 16, right? Soon she'll be an adult so you haven't really got the time to figure out the whole parenting thing. Just do your best. I think you'll do great." he told her.

Buffy looked at him, grateful for the talk and the advice.

"Thanks." she got up and brushed the grass off her jeans. "I'd better get back to work. Thanks for the talk."

Ricky smiled at her.

"Hey, talking with a pretty lady like you, no great hardship."

With a chuckle Buffy headed back to the office.

"Catch you around, Ricky."

----

Idipsum invicem sentientes, non alta sapientes, sed humilibus consentientes. Nolite esse prudentes apud vosmetipsos.

(Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are.)

----

"Xander, are you going to have the extensions finished before I have to head back to school?" Dawn asked as the three sat down at dinner.

"Unfortunately not. But don't worry, hopefully by the time school goes back all the major work will be done. It shouldn't interrupt your studies too much." Xander promised. Buffy just rolled her eyes.

"Like she'll be studying all that hard anyway."

Dawn shot her sister a venomous glare.

"Just because you hardly ever studied at high school doesn't mean I don't either. I'll have you know that I study hard and I get the grades to prove it."

"True, but I think Buffy might be thinking more about you going to school on the Hellmouth. Your biggest concern will be survival, not study." Xander explained. "You're not going to change your mind about going there, are you?"

Dawn shook her head. Since Buffy had started working, she wanted Dawn to go to the Catholic girls' school just outside Sunnydale. Not because it was better (which it was) or cheaper than Sunnydale High (which it definitely wasn't), but for the simple fact that it didn't sit over the Hellmouth, and thus was much safer.

Dawn refused to even consider it.

"I'm not going to run away from this because it's dangerous. You didn't run away from it." Dawn challenged her sister.

"Well, technically Buffy did run away from it once." Xander reminded them, earning the death glares of both Summers women.

"I couldn't leave because -a- Mom didn't know about the school being on top of the Hellmouth until the end of junior year, and -b- I'm the Slayer."

"Not being the Slayer didn't stop Xander and Willow." Dawn pointed out.

"That's because their parents didn't have a clue about the Hellmouth. If they knew what actually when on in this town they would have yanked Xander and Willow out of the school, probably even out of the country."

"Uh, for the record? Jessica and Anthony Harris would stop at nothing to save their own worthless skins. My parents would have left town and left me here to fend for myself." Xander stated "Just thought I'd better clear that up."

The two sisters ignored him.

"So what are you going to do, Buffy? You gonna send me to boarding school on the other side of the country? Ship me off to a convent in Switzerland? No way!"

"I just want to keep you safe." Buffy pleaded with her sister.

"You said it yourself, you can't protect me from the world. The best thing for me is to learn how to protect myself, to know what's going on and help you and Xander and everyone fight all the evil that's out there."

"But..."

"No. You were chosen for this, you didn't get a say in it and you hated that, right? Well, I get to choose. Xander and Willow chose to fight and now I'm choosing to stay and fight too." With that Dawn stood up and went to her room, leaving Buffy and Xander to their concerns.

----

Noli prohibere beneficium ab eo, cui debetur, si in potestate manus tuae est, ut facias.

(Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.)

----


	15. Chapter 15

Buffy ducked under the wild punch thrown at her head and delivered a powerful uppercut that caught the vamp square on the chin and knocked him flat on his back. Before he could regain his feet, Buffy plunged her stake through its heart and watched as the ashes settled into the grass. Turning around she checked on Xander to see how he was going with his vampire. 

What she saw disturbed her.

It was clear that Xander had the upper hand in the fight. A fledgling vamp not two hours risen from her grave fighting an experienced Scooby usually meant a relatively one sided affair with a quick and dusty ending.

But not tonight.

Xander was punching and kicking the vamp all over the place. Rather than staking the vamp, Xander was intent on using it as his personal punching bag. His jaw was set and a look of anger burned in his eyes. A kick sent the vampire reeling into the side of a mausoleum and Xander proceeded in delivering one angry punch after another to the hapless vampire's head.

He would have kept on punching the vamp until his strength gave way but Buffy had seen enough. She shoved Xander aside and staked the vamp, ending its suffering.

"Goddamn it! Why the hell did you do that for?" Xander bellowed at Buffy.

"What's wrong with you tonight?" Buffy yelled back. She was equal parts concerned for Xander and angry at his outburst.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You spend the whole night brooding then start beating on a vamp like a madman and you say it's nothing?"

Normally when the two of them went on patrol together he was talkative and animated, sharing jokes and treating the patrol as more of a social occasion than a deadly serious enterprise. But tonight Xander had been quiet and withdrawn the whole night. He hadn't said more than three or four words once they had left Buffy's and her attempts at starting a conversation had been met with little more than grunts.

"I didn't need your help."

"Xander, what the hell's going on?"

Xander snorted angrily.

"Just leave me alone!"

Buffy could only watch as Xander turned and stomped off into the night.

----

si fieri potest, quod ex vobis est, cum omnibus hominibus pacem habentes;

(If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.)

----

Standing at the door, Buffy looked at Xander sitting on the steps of the back porch and hesitated. On her return to the Summers house Buffy had been greeted by Dawn who wanted to know what Buffy had done to piss Xander off so much.

Buffy wanted to know too.

She was tempted to leave him alone; to give him space and time to get over whatever problem it was that had him so worked up.

The kind of approach that had gotten the Scooby Gang in trouble in the first place.

Buffy opened the back door and sat down beside Xander.

After a long and uncomfortable silence it was Xander who finally spoke.

"Sorry."

Buffy waved him off.

"I think that's supposed to be my line. Mind you I'd like to know what exactly I did to be sorry about."

Xander looked at her a little confused.

"What makes you think you've got anything to be sorry about?"

"Because it pretty much always turns out that way. This time I know it's not about dusting that vamp but other than that I'm drawing a blank."

"Me being angry has nothing to do with you."

"Really?" Buffy said with a touch of sarcasm "Let's look at all the times you've been uber pissed off, shall we?" Buffy started ticking a list with her hand.

"There was Spring Fling where I rejected you for the living dead, the time you threatened to kill me when Willow nearly got sacrificed to raise the Master, me not killing Angel when he lost his soul, me not killing Angel after he killed Miss Calendar... hell, let's just say my entire relationship with Angel. Then there's me cutting you out of my life back in college, and let's not forget about all that stuff with Spike."

"I'd like to forget about everything to do with Spike." Xander mumbled.

"It happened, Xander. It happened and we can't pretend otherwise, no matter how much we wish we could."

They sat there for a while, enjoying the warm Californian summer night. Xander reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"I didn't know you smoked." A surprised Buffy remarked.

"I don't. I found this in one of the boxes of Giles stuff in the basement."

"I didn't know he smoked any more." The only time that Buffy had seen Giles smoke was under the influence of Band Candy when he had regressed back to his younger and wilder days.

"On and off. Usually when he's ultra stressed or upset." Xander informed her as he turned the packet over in his hand.

"With everything that goes on in this town it's a wonder he isn't a chain smoker."

Xander grunted in agreement then put the packet back in his pocket.

Buffy sat wondering what else she would learn about Giles and her friends and how it would affect the way she saw them. So far, what she had seen had made them more reassuringly human.

A quiet sniffle beside her made Buffy look over at Xander and was shocked to see him crying. She was unsure how she should react at first before her friendship instincts kicked in and she hugged him.

As he wept, Buffy remembered all the times Xander had held her when she needed comforting. She remembered that in her darkest of times back in high school he would be there for her.

Now, finally, she could be there for him.

Gradually his sobs diminished and he held her back. They held each other for a long time, neither wanting to let go of the other.

Sitting there, Buffy realised that she was witnessing a side of Xander that previously only Willow had been allowed to see.

Vulnerable Xander.

Buffy had seen Unhappy Xander, and she had seen Sad Xander. But seeing Vulnerable Xander was a Willow privilege.

Buffy mentally pulled herself up. Privilege?

Thinking for a moment, she realised that it really was a privilege. It was a sign that Xander trusted her completely in the same way he trusted Willow.

"Sorry." Xander mumbled and wiped his eyes, trying to regain what little manly pride was left after his display of waterworks.

"Don't be." Buffy told him. She made an educated guess at what was bothering Xander so much.

"You miss her, don't you?"

Xander nodded.

"Before this, the longest and furthest me and Wills had been apart was my trip to Oxnard. Even as kids Willow's parents would take me with them when they went to Arizona to visit Willow's cousins."

Buffy tried to imagine growing up with someone the way Xander and Willow had grown up with each other. Buffy envied them for that.

But then Buffy realised that since she came to Sunnydale, Willow and Xander had shared their life with her. Even in her pre-Slayer days, Buffy had never felt as close to any of her friends as she did to her fellow Scoobies. They would risk their lives, even their immortal souls for each other and for Buffy.

Buffy felt like she was the luckiest person in the whole world.

"I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you."

"Huh?" Buffy was confused.

"You were right, I've been way too harsh on you for stuff... stuff that I had no right or say in."

Buffy shrugged.

"True. But just because you were a complete asshat at times didn't mean you were automatically wrong either."

"Still, it's no excuse."

"No it's not; and neither is me being Queen Bitch to you."

Xander gave a little chuckle.

"We're pretty screwed up, aren't we?"

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"You can say that again."

Xander grunted in agreement.

Buffy wriggled closer to Xander and rested her head on his shoulder. Xander put his arm around her and rested his head on hers.

"When do you think Willow will be back?"

"Not soon enough."

From her window upstairs, Dawn looked down on her sister and Xander with approval.

----

et lacrimatus est Iesus

(Jesus wept.)

Saturday morning saw Dawn and Buffy at the mall shopping for birthday presents for Xander who was busy with the extensions to the house. It was a frustrating exercise for Buffy.

"I don't know what to get him. I've got no idea what he likes." Buffy complained after two hours of searching.

"You've gone shopping for presents for Xander before."

"Yeah, but I always went with Willow who, lets face it, holds a PhD in Xander present buying." She sulked. "I don't want to get him a crappy lame present, but he's pretty much got everything he needs."

Dawn rolled her eyes at the stupidity of her sister.

"It's not about getting what people need; it's about getting what people want. No wonder all the presents I get from you suck."

"Hey!" protested Buffy.

"Do you want my help or not?" Dawn asked her sister who just nodded.

Dawn thought for a minute before grabbing Buffy's hand and dragging her off to the other side of the mall.

"Where are we going?"

"In here." Dawn told her as she led them into a surf wear shop.

"But I don't know Xander's size."

"We're not getting clothes for him; we're getting something for you." Dawn explained as she went through a rack of bikinis.

"Uh?"

"We're gonna take him to the beach for the day. We can all work on our tans and there will be plenty of eye candy for Xander to look at. Here, try this on." Dawn handed Buffy a bikini.

"I can't wear this! There's not even all that much to wear."

"You're gonna wear it for two reasons. One: this is Southern California and this is the sort of thing you wear to the beach if you want to compete in the eye candy game. And two: one of us is wearing this."

"You're not wearing this and who said I wanted to compete?"

"Please, I'm not blind. I've seen the way you've been looking at Xander lately."

"I have not!" Buffy denied.

"This morning you spent twenty minutes watching him haul lumber."

Buffy went a deep shade of red.

"I did not!" Buffy squeaked. Dawn just stood there with her hands on her hips.

"It's good to see you can swim the length and breadth of denial. Face it Buffy, you've got more than friendly feelings for him and as acting president of the We Love Xander Club, all I can say is that it's about time. The only two who haven't had some kind of lusty feelings for the big doofus was you and Tara. Mind you, I half expected Tara to be fluking her lips off with Xander long before you got a clue. I guess it took seeing him naked to get your interest."

"How did you know..." Buffy was too stunned to even try denying she'd seen him naked.

"How dense do you think I am? I bring in Willow's clothes and she and Xander are naked in your bed."

"It's not what you're thinking." Buffy countered.

"You looked after your friends when they couldn't look after themselves."

"OK, maybe it is what you're thinking." Buffy paused and shook her head "Why am I even discussing this with you?"

"Because even if Willow was here I'd still be the only one you could talk to about this whole matter openly. Because I'm pretty much the only impartial party to this whole love triangle you guys have going."

"I don't have feelings for Xander, there is no love triangle, and I'm NOT wearing this!" Buffy insisted forcefully, jamming the bikini back on the rack. "Could we not discuss this right now?"

"Fine. But this isn't the last time we're talking about this." Dawn warned her sister.

By the time they left the shop, Dawn had gotten Buffy to buy the bikini.

----

Guttur illius suavissimum, et totus desiderabilis. Talis est dilectus meus, et ipse est amicus meus, filiae Ierusalem.

(His mouth is most sweet; Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.)

----


	16. Chapter 16

Buffy had to admit Dawn's idea for Xander's birthday was a pretty good one. They hadn't been to the beach since Dracula blew into town and it was nice to do something nice and normal for once. The three of them had a lot of fun together and Buffy wondered why the Scoobies didn't hit the beach more often. 

Xander's reaction to her new bikini was gratifying to say the least. He slipped into classic non verbal Xander mode when she had revealed her bikini. He tried to act nonchalant and failed miserably. It had been a long time since a guy had made Buffy feel good about herself or her body. Xander respected her, as a person as well as her Slayer birthright.

But every now and then a girl likes to feel sexy, damn it!

The three became two when Dawn spotted a couple of her friends and hung with them for the afternoon, leaving Buffy and Xander to their own devises. They chatted, splashed around and generally enjoyed the beach and each others company.

All in all, it was a great day.

On the drive back home Xander told Buffy and Dawn that Giles said that he and Willow would be coming back soon. The news was greeted with happiness mixed with apprehension. They all knew that Willow's return would be awkward, and not only because of Willow's rampage.

The Scooby dynamic had changed. The three of them had developed a comfortable routine which would change when Giles and Willow returned.

And it also meant that Buffy and Xander would have to deal with all the issues that they had put off until Willow's return.

Issues that, the resolution of which, they knew would change their friendship forever.

----

patientia autem probationem, probatio vero spem;

(endurance produces character, and character produces hope)

----

Xander had, for once, enjoyed his birthday. The day they had spent together would be a happy memory for all of them.

Buffy and Dawn would need all the happy memories they could get for the coming days.

Xander closed his eyes and regretted his earlier decision to live with Buffy and Dawn. Soon Willow would return and things would become harder and more complicated. With every passing day he was making things worse when the time finally came...

Buffy.

Xander had spent a lot of his life oblivious of the true feelings of those around him, especially when it came to Willow's feelings towards him. But he was older now and wiser than his 16 year old self. He knew that Buffy was beginning to have feelings for him. Boy-friendly feelings that in the past he would have rejoiced in.

But not now.

All it meant was that he would hurt Buffy all the more.

He was living a lie. He had the best intentions in the world, but then again the best of intentions was a key building material in Satin's freeways. He should tell them the truth.

No. They weren't ready for the truth. Not yet. He would go with his original plan. Willow would be home soon and the hardest part would begin. He had to get them ready for what was to come.

To that end Xander sat down and put pen to paper, pouring forth his heart onto the crisp white pages.

Occasionally he would look up at the photo of Willow, Buffy and him on his table. It was a picture of happier days that he hoped would once more return, both now and in the years ahead. He reached out and gently caressed the faces of the two closest people to his heart before returning to the task at hand.

----

In ore stulti virga superbiae, labia autem sapientium custodiunt eos.

(In the mouth of the foolish man is a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will keep them safe.)

----


	17. Chapter 17

"Buffy, Dawn." Xander handed them some forms after dinner. Checking them out, the Summers sisters eyes bugged out a little. 

"This is an application for a passport."

"Yes Dawn, you need a passport if you want to go overseas. Even if you want to go to merry ole England."

There was an explosion of shouts and questions and Xander couldn't help but laugh at the excitement on Dawn's face. He explained that Giles had indicated that Willow would be coming home soon. Xander thought that a Scooby vacation to England would be a good idea. It would also give the guys a week or so to do the major bits of the extension to the house.

"What about work, and school, and slaying?" Buffy asked.

"The boss thinks it's a great idea, missing a couple of days of school won't hurt Dawn, and it's too early in the year for the apocalypse so the Hellmouth can look after itself for a couple of days."

"But who's going to pay for everything?" Buffy's job was pretty well paying but the budget didn't stretch to cover overseas holidays.

"I've got it covered. I sold my comic book collection and some of the things we scored from the Nerds of Doom. You'd be surprised just how much some people will pay for stuff like that."

"You sold your comic book collection?" a concerned Dawn asked. "Why?"

"Sometimes you've got to decide what's more important. Besides, they were only taking up room and I'm not into comics much any more."

"Xander..." knowing Buffy was about to object, Xander cut her off.

"Too late Buffy, it's already done. I really want you guys to come to England with me. So please, just this once can you just say thank you and leave it at that?"

Anger flared in Buffy momentarily then it faded into acceptance. If it was that important to Xander then she would go along with it. She owed her friend at least that much.

----

Nam exspectatio creaturae revelationem filiorum Dei exspectat;

(For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God;)

----

Willow wondered how she could ever have been frightened of the gentle giant standing before her. The massive Clydesdale had a look of pure contentment as Willow brushed its flanks. Giles hadn't been able to convince Willow to join him for a ride of the fields surrounding the manor; Willow had instead joined one of the coven in tending to the other horses in the stables.

The stable had a good collection of horses. Most were sleek thoroughbreds of the impeccable linage that is required of an equine stud that had provided mounts for European royalty for nearly three hundred years. There were also a number of fine Arabian horses.

But the horse that Willow had fallen in love with at first sight was the solitary Clydesdale.

It wasn't sleek or fast like its stable mates. It wasn't really designed to be ridden (the stable hand had told Willow that riding it was like being on a giant pogo stick). It was, however, a working horse of great strength and quiet temperament.

Its mere presence had a calming effect on humans and horses alike.

The sound of hooves on concrete announced the return of Giles from his ride.

Willow watched Giles as he brought the chestnut mare in.

In a way, Giles reminded her of a Clydesdale. A gentle tower of strength. With a smile she returned her attention back to brushing down the horse in front of her.

Once they were finished in the stable, the two headed into the kitchen at the back of the manor.

To say it was a shock to see Buffy, Dawn, and Xander there being fed by Mrs. Hawthorne would understate the matter.

Before Willow could recover from her shock, she was smothered in hugs by her friends.

"What are you guys doing here?" Willow asked as soon as she was able to get a word in edgeways through here friends babbling.

"Giles said that you guys were coming back next Friday so we decided to fly over for a week or two and surprise you." Buffy told her with a smile.

"Yeah, and the fact that none of us have had a decent vacation in forever was also a big bonus. We figured that Dawn missing a week or two of school for the trip wouldn't hurt her studies too badly either." Xander added.

"More like Buffy wanting to get me away from Hellmouth High." Dawn grumbled.

"Dawn, I only want..."

"Guys!" Xander interrupted the two sisters. "We've argued this a thousand times already and I'm sure it'll get argued a thousand times more between now and Dawnie's graduation. Can we give it a rest?" Implored Xander. Begrudgingly Buffy and Dawn let the matter drop, much to the relief of Xander who was near his wits end. He looked over to Giles.

"There isn't a place I can go for some peace and quiet, is there?"

"Come to think of it, I do believe that there is an empty house currently in Sunnydale whose Slayer owner and her sister are currently in England."

"No so empty at the moment, Giles. The guys are doing some major work on the house extension this week. Yet another reason to bail."

"Enough chit chat you lot. Your dinners are getting cold." Mrs. Hawthorne scalded the three new arrivals from America, "And you two go wash up while I get your dinners ready." She ordered Giles and Willow. Mrs. Hawthorne ran a tight ship and Giles knew better than to get on her bad side.

----

ecce venio cito et merces mea mecum est reddere unicuique secundum opera sua

(And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.)

----

Giles and Xander did most of the talking during dinner; Willow ate in awkward silence that the others respected for the moment.

Upon finishing dinner, Giles showed the new arrivals around the manor while Willow had another session with the coven. The tour ended in the room that Buffy and Dawn would share. Xander's room was across the hallway. Once Buffy and Xander had headed down stairs to get the bags, Dawn turned to Giles.

"How's Willow going? Honestly." Dawn asked.

"Honestly? She has her magic use under control; we wouldn't be coming back to Sunnydale if it weren't. But..."

"But?"

"Magic is a part of her now. The power she holds, the experiences she's had... she's been forever changed. I think Willow has come to terms with and accepted that. My worry is everyone else, especially Buffy and Xander. Things have changed and I'm not sure if either of them realizes just how much it has."

Dawn gave a little laugh and Giles asked her what was so funny.

"You've got no idea just how much things have changed, Giles."

"What do you mean?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk in private? I don't want Buffy and Xander to hear what I'm gonna say."

----

Et ecce angelus, qui loquebatur in me, egrediebatur, et angelus alius egrediebatur in occursum eius;

(And lo, the messenger who is speaking with me is going out, and another messenger is going out to meet him,)

----

The moon was full and high in the midnight sky and Willow briefly wondered what Oz was doing with his life now. Sitting in the rose garden, Willow wrapped her jacket closer about herself against the chill of the air.

Hearing footsteps behind her, she didn't need to guess who it was. Buffy sat down on one side of her and Xander on the other. Together the three of them sat in silence.

"I'm sorry."

Two simple words, utterly inadequate for what she did. They all knew that just as well as they all knew that it needed to be said. Xander shrugged his shoulders.

"Just don't do it again." He told her. Willow stood up.

"This isn't a joking matter, Xander." She admonished her friend.

"I know. Trust me when I say that I know better than anyone in the whole universe just how serious this is. But you know that I forgave you ages ago. As far as I'm concerned you and me are cool. What about you Buffy?"

Buffy wasn't quite sure what she should say. In the end she decided to be honest.

"I forgive you. That doesn't mean everything is OK between us. Eventually it will be. But it's gonna take some time before it is. We've all got stuff that needs sorting out before we're OK."

Willow looked at Buffy with gratitude for her candor.

"I know. And thank you."

Willow looked at her friends and thanked the higher powers for them. Redemption would be a tough road to walk but she knew that with them she would not walk alone.

----

Tu autem, quid iudicas fratrem tuum? Aut tu, quare spernis fratrem tuum? Omnes enim stabimus ante tribunal Dei;

(Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.)

----


	18. Chapter 18

Peaceful. 

Sitting under the massive oak on a hill overlooking the valley below, Willow sat cross legged, her eyes closed as she used the relaxation techniques the Coven had taught her.

She reached deep down inside herself. Deeper and deeper she reached until she found that inner most core of her being. She then took that core and wove gentle tendrils connecting it with the earth.

Like the roots of the trees, the tendrils sunk deep into the ground in their search. Deeper and deeper into the heart of the Earth and then westwards. Soon she found what she was looking for.

The Hellmouth.

Her tendrils skirted around the gaping black wound in the earth, not wanting to get too close yet needing to be close enough to take measure.

Like all things, the Hellmouth went through cycles. Peaks and troughs in activity that apocalypses and the summer quiet were the most visible sign of its rhythms.

She had expected that it would be beginning to quietly stir as the summer came to an end.

But instead she found it to be in a deep slumber, deeper than even the quietest summer lull.

Her need to find out why overcame her caution and she sent her tendrils to probe deeper in search of answers. Closer they went, carefully probing and searching, not wanting to awake the Hellmouth from its slumber. Deeper and deeper they went until...

Searing agony and a familiar, yet terrifying, ecstasy flooded Willow and she wrenched the tendrils away, bringing them to the surface of the earth to cool in the soothing presence of life.

The Hellmouth might be slumbering, but that slumber did not change its innate power and dark nature.

Willow started to draw the tendrils back, keeping them on the surface with its myriad of life. Across purple mountain majesties and amber waves of grain all the way to the shining sea. The tendrils plunged deep into the ocean and were submerged by life in all its forms until they came ashore once more. As they came closer, Willow was able to recognize some of the life that her tendrils encountered. The familiar and reassuring presence of Giles and close by him, the power of Buffy and Dawn. It wasn't until the end that she found the one other life form she wanted to find.

Xander.

She opened one eye to find him standing ten feet away, a can of diet coke in each hand and a goofy smile on his face. She opened the other eye and returned his smile with on of her own.

"What ya up to?" he asked her.

"Just checking out the Hellmouth, making sure it wasn't up to any major badness with Buffy away."

"Really? How is old man Hellmouth these days?" Xander joked as he sat down beside her and handed her one of the drinks. She opened it and took a sip before answering.

"Asleep. And not just the run of the mill summer sleep but way deep sleep."

"Is that a good thing or not?"

"Not sure. This close to the end of summer there should be some indications of increased activity but it's like the Hellmouth has taken a double dose of extra strength sleeping pills and turned the alarm clock off."

"Ah, I see. It could be bad like in the way things get too quiet before everything goes to hell, in this case literally." He surmised. "Or it could be good as in it was weakened when you..." he trailed off, not sure how to broach the issue of Willow's one woman apocalypse.

"Went insane, became evil, killed, rampaged, and nearly destroyed the world?" she finished for him. "It's OK Xander. We were both there, no need to tap dance around it." She could see the tension ease a little in his shoulders at the relief of not having to be as careful in what he said.

Xander had many fine qualities but being diplomatic wasn't one of them.

"And it could be because of that too. I figure that we'll just have to wait and see what happens. We just have to accept that there are just some things beyond our control, Xander."

Xander raised an eyebrow.

"Something the Coven taught you?"

Willow shook her head.

"You did, up on the hill." She told him, much to his surprise and embarrassment. "The Coven just taught me how to use it in one of my control mantras."

"Control mantras?"

"They taught me a bunch of ways of controlling myself when I start to feel panicky or angry or whatever by using breathing exercises, mantras, grounding spells, meditation and stuff."

"Zen Willow. I dig it." He nudged her with his elbow before downing his can of coke and the two sat in comfortable silence.

The silence was short lived as Xander let loose with a mighty burp.

"Beat that!" he challenged.

Willow looked at him for a moment before deciding to pick up the gauntlet.

"Prepare yourself for shock and awe, Willow style."

The resulting burping contest had them laughing and carrying on like the seven year olds that they once were and would always be.

----

et aperuit puteum abyssi et ascendit fumus putei sicut fumus fornacis magnae et obscuratus est sol et aer de fumo putei.

(And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.)

----

**Dawn's Diary**

_England was so cool and not in the temperature sense that everyone jokes about either._

_Although its summer is pretty tame compared to Southern California._

_The green country side, the awesomeness of London shopping (OK, mostly window shopping. But still...), the history that just oozes from this one little country is simply incredible. After high school I'm definitely coming back here. Maybe I'll go to college here._

_That would make Giles happy. Buffy too._

_For the first time since I can remember, Buffy forgot that she was the Slayer for more than five minutes and instead she was just another person on holiday overseas. She was a lot more relaxed and relaxed Buffy beats depressed and stressed Buffy any day of the week._

_Not that it's been all happiness and light._

_Buffy has had Xander to herself for the whole summer and now that Willow's back she has to share his attentions. Every now and then I got the feeling that Buffy kinda resented Willow a little for that. Not that Xander was helping any by spending so much time with Willow that in the end she asked Xander to go away and give her some space. Willow did it politely of course but there definitely was a kicked puppy look in his eyes._

_Willow complicates everything when it comes to Buffy and Xander. Then again, Buffy complicates things for Xander and Willow too and has ever since she came to Sunnydale._

_Buffy's discovered Xander, Xander's rediscovered his dedication to Willow, and Willow's facing a post Tara future._

_For once I'm glad I'm not one of them._

----

Notas mihi facies vias vitae, plenitudinem laetitiae cum vultu tuo, delectationes in dextera tua usque in finem.

(You will make clear to me the way of life; where you are joy is complete; in your right hand there are pleasures for ever and ever.)

----


	19. Chapter 19

The drive from the airport was a silent one as everyone was lost in their own thoughts. There was apprehension at how Willow would readjust to her return to Sunnydale. Giles and the Coven reassured them that she would be able to cope just fine. 

But in the back of everyone's mind, especially Willow's, there were doubts.

Pulling into Revello Drive, they parked the car in front of the house and got out to look at the renovations.

The house had been extended to take in the driveway that used to run beside the house. Unseen from their position, the basement had been extended and expanded as well.

The new extension included a garage with laundry and storage space behind it. Above the garage, a bedroom, bathroom, and study had been added.

The front door opened and Travis, one of Buffy and Xander's workmates, came out to greet them.

"Looking good Trav." Xander told him and he shook his hand.

"We wanted it all finished before you guys came back. As it stands, we're still got the painting, electrical, and the carpets still to do on the extension. Should all be finished by the end of the week."

Buffy gave Travis a hug and thanked him, making the former Canadian blush. With a promise of returning tomorrow, he grabbed his tools and left.

While the others unloaded the car, Willow stood on the lawn gathering her courage. She had come thousands of miles yet the last 5 yards between her and the front door threatened to defeat her. Giles came out and stood beside her.

"You can do this." He gently encouraged her.

"What if I can't?"

"There's a house full of people waiting for you through that front door who will do anything and everything to see you through this. Come on." Giles held out his hand to Willow. Willow whispered a control mantra she had learned in England and started walking, forgoing Giles' offered hand.

There would be many, many times in the future where she would take the outstretched hand of friendship and support. But this was a challenge, albeit a small one, that she would meet under her own steam.

The lounge room hadn't changed much, although with her renewed attention to detail she was able to spot the slight dissidence between the overwhelming femininity of the house and the occasional masculine touch of Xander.

Xander's work boots by the door, a copy of Sports Illustrated on the coffee table, one of Xander's clocks on the wall. All little things but at the same time powerfully reassuring.

Xander had made this place his home and if Xander could do it then it was possible that one day this could feel like home to her too.

A reassuring hand rested gently on her shoulder and Willow looked to see Giles beside her.

"Let's see what they've done." He suggested.

"Look at the size of this hot tub!" Dawn yelled from up stairs. Willow raised an eyebrow.

"Hot tub?"

"Something to ease the aches and pains of slaying, I'd imagine."

"This I gotta see." Willow headed upstairs to check out the latest additions.

Following Willow up the stairs, Giles could only shake his head at the extravagant size of the hot tub. It was big enough for all of them and then some.

"We could do our research parties in here." Dawn suggested. Giles shot her a venomous glare.

"No you won't. You're not taking any of my very old, very rare books anywhere near here." In his mind Giles could see his books being destroyed by the high humidity and the occasional dunking.

"You can take the librarian out of the library, you can take the library out with a ton of explosives, but you can't take the librarian out of the man." Xander joked. Buffy and Dawn giggled, Willow unsuccessfully tried to hide her smirk. Giles closed his eyes and let out a resigned sigh.

No matter how many years passed, their high school experiences would forever be with them, for better or (in this case) for worse.

Opening his eyes again, he muttered something about respect and headed down stairs.

----

quid est homo, quod memor es eius, aut filius hominis, quoniam visitas eum?

(What is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him?)

----

Dinner was courtesy a famous old Harris family recipe.

Chinese take-out.

Afterwards, Buffy went patrolling with Giles while Dawn crashed into bed, her body clock completely out of whack and crying out for sleep. Willow and Xander stayed up for a while watching TV together. It wasn't too long before Willow's yawns became nearly continuous and she said good night to Xander.

"You gonna share with Dawn or Buffy?" he asked.

Willow was quiet for a moment before she replied "I wanna stay in the other room."

The declaration caught Xander short.

"You mean you want to share with me?"

"No."

Willow's intent to stay by herself in the room where her love had been murdered was all too clear in her voice. It also screamed 'bad idea' to Xander's mind.

"Ummm... you sure about this, Will?"

She nodded, determined to take this step on her road to recovery.

Unconvinced that this was a good idea but unwilling to fight her on it, Xander acquiesced to her request.

"Just let me grab some PJ's. Just because Buffy let me sleep naked with her in her bed once doesn't mean that she wants me to make it a regular thing." he joked.

He grabbed what he needed then paused by the door and looked deep into Willow's eyes.

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?"

"I have to deal with this sooner or later."

"Couldn't it be a little later?" Xander gently suggested. He could see her apprehension. Willow shook her head.

"I need to do this. I'll be OK."

Xander moved aside to let her pass.

"If you need me..." he started.

"I know. Good night Xander."

With that Willow entered the room she had shared with Tara and closed the door, leaving Xander alone with his misgivings.

----

ne quando dicat inimicus meus: Praevalui adversus eum!; neque exsultent, qui tribulant me, si motus fuero.

(But I have trusted in Your loving kindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.)

----

Buffy saw Giles to his new apartment after their patrol. He had bought a new place not too far from Buffy's.

His place was by Buffy's side and it was as fitting and honored place as any a man could ask for.

The patrol had reduced the local vamp population by two and had let the demon underworld know that the Slayer was back.

It had also given Giles a chance to examine Buffy in action and see that some of her techniques had become somewhat sloppy. He made a mental note to remedy this in their training sessions.

Upon her return home, she found Xander sitting down in front of the TV.

"Willow gone to bed?" she asked.

"Yeah, her bed." Xander told her with emphasis on the last part.

"Oh." Buffy could see that Xander was as apprehensive about it as she was.

"I can sleep on the sofa if you want." Xander offered.

"Xander, you don't need to do that and you know it. Besides, I generally sleep better when I'm not alone."

"Me too." he admitted then yawned.

"Come on sleepy head, time for bed." The pair went up stairs but Buffy stopped just before her room.

"Do you think we should check on Willow?" Xander thought for a second.

"Probably a good idea."

The two headed to Willow's room and opened the door a fraction.

What they saw broke their hearts.

Willow was laying on the floor where Tara had fallen, weeping quietly. She looked up at them with a look of complete devastation.

"She's gone."

An instant later Xander was scooping Willow up in his arms. He and Buffy shared a look before coming to a silent agreement.

Xander carried Willow into Buffy's room and lay her on the bed.

With Buffy on one side and Xander on the other, Willow was able to find the peace of sleep.

----

Quoniam non in finem oblivio erit pauperis; exspectatio pauperum non peribit in aeternum.

(For the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted perish forever.)

----


	20. Chapter 20

"Mmmm… coffee's good, isn't it?" 

Willow and Buffy sat at a table by the window of a new coffee shop in the Sunnydale Mall. Xander had basically kicked them out of the house, in part to get the two girls out of the house before Travis and the other guys arrived to help Xander finish off the house.

It was also a not so subtle way of getting Buffy and Willow relaxed when talking to each other.

Sipping her cappuccino, Buffy reflected on the fact things between her and Willow hadn't been this awkward since Willow told her about Tara. The last 30 minutes had seen the pair drink their coffee and hardly speak or even look at each other.

Buffy frowned into her caffeinated sugary goodness. This was so much easier when Xander or Giles was around.

"OK, this is officially stupid." Buffy declared. Willow looked at her uncertainly.

"Uh, what exactly is stupid?"

"This. Us. This massive awkwardness between us that rivals Tara's and your Mom's when they first met." As soon as the words passed her lips, Buffy mentally slapped herself up the back of the head for mentioning Tara, "Oh God! I'm sorry, Willow. I shouldn't..."

Willow shook her head.

"Buffy, its OK. I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown if people mention Tara." She reassured her friend.

"Besides," a small smile appearing on the redhead's face "the whole She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named routine would be way too Harry Potter."

The comment made Buffy smile. Willow still had her sense of humour, even if she didn't exercise it much lately.

"Point taken." Buffy sighed "If we're gonna avoid looking like a couple of mimes, we're gonna have to talk about something. And let's face it, there is absolutely no shortage of things that we can talk about, let alone all the thing we NEED to talk about."

Willow nodded in agreement.

"Any suggestions?"

Buffy thought that over for a few moments.

"About last night..." Buffy prompted.

"Last night... Last night was something I had to do eventually. Granted, it turned out to be too early and too painful, but I'll need to come to terms with all the memories the house contains if I'm gonna live there." Willow paused, a sudden fear popping up "You still want me to live there, don't you? I'd totally understand if you don't and I can live on campus this year."

"Willow, I want you there. I need you there. It's my house and I say who gets to stay and who goes. And don't worry about Dawn or Xander. We talked it over before we went to England and we all agreed. Hell, why do you think that Xander is adding a bedroom if it was just going to be the three of us?"

A relieved Willow saw an opening to bring up an issue of her own she wanted to talk about.

"An extra bedroom seems a bit of a waste seeing yours and Xander's sleeping habits."

"We just sleep together, that's all."

Buffy's comment made coffee shoot out Willow's nose and made Buffy wish for a better choice of words. The waitress helped Willow clean up from her liquid double take.

"We're not... you know... 'Sleeping together' sleeping together. It's..."

"A comfort thing? Like the three of us last night?"

"Exactly! Nothing pelvic about it. It's about comfort. To be honest, I sleep better when I'm not alone. Even Dawn has on occasion crept into Xander's or my bed when things have been a little rough. Last night we saw you needed comfort, to know you aren't alone." Buffy took hold of Willow's hand.

"We gotta look after each other. That's one of the things I've learned out of all this. If we don't talk, we don't work things out, it will blow up in our faces."

"And that's bad."

"Bad squared." Buffy affirmed.

They finished off their drinks.

"So, that was our touching reconciliation?"

"I was expecting it after some death defying apocalyptic moment. That's how this normally goes for us."

"A distinct lack of demons."

"Give it some time. This is Sunnydale after all."

----

Ubi enim sunt duo vel tres congregati in nomine meo, ibi sum in medio eorum

(For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.)

----

Insanity.

It was the best description of the mental state of William.

Spike had gone to Africa to get his chip out.

Instead he got William.

As it had effected his grandsire, the return of his soul had sent waves of horror and revulsion through William at everything that Spike had done in the last 120 or so years.

Unlike his grandsire, it had sent William insane.

How he had ended up in France, William couldn't remember. Why he was in France was an easier question.

France was the traditional destination for an Englishman in self imposed exile and a perfect place for someone not fit for civilised society.

Before he was turned William had been somewhat pious, so it was natural that with the return of his soul he would seek forgiveness in a house of God.

At least that had been the plan.

Instead, he was curled up into a foetal position in the dusty bell tower of an abandoned church on the outskirts of Marseilles. He was hidden in the shadows just beyond where the sun shone through the stained glass window.

Tears no longer fell as he wept. He had long since passed the point where his body could produce any more. He wept for all those the demon that had taken his body had killed. He could see their faces. He could hear their screams.

He could remember how good it had felt to the demon as it did unspeakable things to men, women, and children.

Yet again he let out a dry rasping cry to God to forgive him.

'No.'

A clear line of thought emerged from the maelstrom of insanity that raged inside his mind.

'No. You did none of these things. The demon did.'

The demon whispered back.

'We are one in the same.'

'NO! It's not true!' William's mind cried out.

'Yes it is and you know it. Deep down you know it.' The demon smiled wickedly. A century of manipulation and exploitation, mind games and preying on the weak, had made the demon powerful when playing mind games.

It was determined that it would win this battle with the feeble fool and retake control of his body.

'No you won't! I won't let you!'

'Yes you will. Already you hunger. Soon you will be unable to stop yourself from feeding on the rich blood pumping through somebody's veins.' The demon was supremely confident.

After all, time was on its side.

'Never. I will never let you run free again. With the grace of God I will destroy you.'

The demon laughed.

'How? Kill me and you'll be killing yourself. You'll get no grace from God if you do that.'

Despair.

The demon was using his faith as a protective shield. As twisted and evil the intent of the demon, it was correct.

Suicide was a mortal sin. To kill yourself was to condemn your soul to the eternal damnation of Hell.

The demon's laughter grew crushing in its volume and malevolence.

Faith!

Shield!

A sudden thought came to William.

To kill yourself was a sin. To sacrifice yourself in battle to destroy the spawn of Satin was to die as a martyr.

Before the demon could react, William was up and running for the stained glass window.

The demon screamed and raged as William leapt through the glass and into the bright sunshine.

All that was left of one of the most terrible vampires in history was a few ashes and a scorched microchip.

----

qui vicerit possidebit haec et ero illi Deus et ille erit mihi filius

(He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.)

----


	21. Chapter 21

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Willow rolled her eyes at Buffy's question.

"I haven't changed my mind since you last asked me..." Willow checked her watch "two minutes and fifteen seconds ago. I'll be fine. It's not like I've never gone on patrol before." Willow's words had something of a hard edge to them. She was getting beyond annoyed with Buffy constantly asking if Willow was OK or was she sure she wanted to do something.

Particularly if it had anything to do with slaying, magic, or Tara.

"Sorry." Buffy mumbled.

Xander came jogging up to them, ax in hand.

"Right, everyone remember where we parked the car."

"Where did you park the car?" Willow asked.

"Same place we always do when we hit this part of town."

"Which is?"

Buffy answered this one.

"Papa Joe's Authentic Italian Pizzeria."

"This must be one of those things that happened while I was in England, huh?"

"I guess it is." Xander had been noticing that Willow was a little envious of the closer friendship that had developed between Buffy and Xander while she was gone.

Maybe envy was too strong a word. Feeling left out might be a better term.

"Mind you, it's false advertising if you ask me." Buffy added.

"Why's that?"

"It's run by a family of shape shifting Kern demons from Cambodia."

"Doesn't matter to me," Xander declared "it still has the best pizza in town and we get a special two-for-one deal on account of Buffy being the Slayer."

"Oh. Well, let's get with the patrolling. I've got an early lecture on tomorrow. " Willow reminded them.

Xander looked Willow for a moment.

"Willow, are you sure..."

"YES DAMN IT! I'M SURE I WANT TO GO SLAYING!! YOU TWO QUIT ASKING ME THAT!!!"

Xander and Buffy were rattled slightly by Willow's outburst.

"Uh, Wills. I was just gonna ask you if you were sure you didn't want that little crossbow that's sitting in the trunk of the car. I mean a gallon jug of holy water and a cross doesn't strike me as enough firepower for vamp hunting."

Willow's anger collapsed into sorrow at her outburst.

"I'm sorry Xander, I'm just..."

"It's OK. I figure having everyone questioning your every move would wear thin on anyone after a while."

"Still, I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Don't worry about it. Forgiven and forgotten."

"You want to borrow one of my stakes?" Buffy asked her.

"I'm good. Got everything I need. Thanks. Can we go patrolling now?"

The trio stalked off into the night.

----

Odium suscitat rixas, et universa delicta operit caritas.

(Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.)

----

"Vampire Biker Gang... I'm not kidding, Giles. There were about twenty or so of them in Richmond Field cemetery... It got pretty ugly for a moment until Willow pulled our butts out of the fire... It was the coolest. Willow gets her cross, a quick chant, then jams it into her big jug of holy water, and poof! Instant holy water fog. You should have seen those vamps high tail it out of there all smoking and screaming... It's good to have her back... Come around after work tomorrow... OK, see you then Giles. Bye."

Buffy hung up the phone.

"Fine. You've packed away the weapons and you've checked in with Giles. Now stop making excuses and let Xander look at that gash on your back." Dawn ordered.

Buffy reluctantly sat down in the kitchen of the Summers house to let Xander examine the large gash that a vampire had opened up on her back during the wild fight. If it was too bad then Xander would insist that Buffy go to the hospital for treatment. Hospital was the last place Buffy Summers wanted to go.

"Damn. I thought it looked nasty in the car on the way back. It's gonna need stitches if you want it to heal quick without a scar." He told her.

"No hospital." insisted Buffy. Xander let out a sigh.

"Fine, if you're not gonna go then I'll have to stitch it."

"Whatever. Just no hospital."

Xander turned to Dawn and Willow.

"Dawn, grab the med kit from the basement. Will, I need a bowl of hot water and grab a replacement shirt for Buffy."

The two returned with the requested items and Xander started assembling what he needed.

"If it's OK by you guys, I'd sooner go to bed right now. Not keen on seeing someone doing embroidery on my sisters back."

"I might hit the hay too." Willow said and her and Dawn left Buffy and Xander in the kitchen.

"You sure you want me to do the stitching?" He asked her one last time.

"No hospitals."

"Suit yourself. Loose the shirt and we'll start."

With her back to Xander, Buffy took off her slashed and blood stained shirt and bra and dumped them on the floor. She grabbed a chair and sat with her back to Xander. Xander dunked a cloth in the hot water and started cleaning around the wound. His touch gave Buffy goose bumps.

"Are my hands cold?" he asked her.

"No. They're fine." she insisted. Xander went back to work.

As he worked, Buffy could only wonder at the clashing feelings she was experiencing. The stinging of her wound, the soothing touch of Xander's hands, the tingling sensation she was getting being half naked in front of him.

For his part Xander concentrated on cleaning the wound, not letting himself dwell on the fact that Buffy was half naked in front of him, probably still wound up from the big fight, and possibly wouldn't mind a little Xander action.

Instead he concentrated on fixing up his friend. Fixing his friends was the only thing that mattered now.

Slowly, methodically, he stitched the edges of the wound together then applied a large water-proof bandage over the top.

His work done, he turned his back to Buffy while she changed into her fresh shirt.

"I'll take a look at it before work in the morning. It might take a day or two before the stitches are ready to come out."

"Thanks." Buffy grabbed her torn clothes off the floor. "You can look now."

Xander turned around but avoided looking at her, unable to hide the look of sadness.

"What's wrong?"

Xander shuffled around uncomfortably for a moment and told her nothing was wrong.

"This not talking about stuff? Not good and I'm not gonna let it screw us up again. Saturday we're all gonna get together and there is gonna be some deep level talking. And don't even think about trying to skip it. We wanted to wait until Willow got back to do this and now she's back we're gonna do this." Buffy stood in front of Xander with her hands on her hips and a look of determination.

Xander sighed and nodded.

"Good. Now are you gonna tell me what's got you down or will we need to drag it out of you Saturday?"

For a moment Buffy thought he wasn't going to answer her.

"Ever wished you could go back in time and change all the stupid things you did?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Well, I've got a lot of things I'd want to change. Made me realise just how much of my life I spent being a complete idiot. Not the sort of thing that inspires happiness."

Buffy reached out and hugged him. After a while Xander raised his hands and, careful to avoid her wound, he hugged her back.

"Come on." Buffy said "we'll clean up here and go to bed? How's that sound?"

"Like a plan I can live with."

----

Cor gaudens exhilarat faciem, in maerore animi deicitur spiritus.

(A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.)

----

Two days later, Xander removed Buffy's stitches. With him was Dawn whom he was teaching as much as he could in order to give the Scoobies an additional medical resource.

At the urging of Joyce the Scoobies had all taken a course offered by the local paramedics back when Buffy has first started dating Riley. Riley himself had taught Xander a few things about battlefield medicine which in turn helped Xander remember more things from his Halloween possession. Add in all the first hand experience he had racked up over the last year or so and the result was Xander had become the de facto Scooby medic.

He watched approvingly as Dawn removed the last few stitches from her sisters back. Like in many things, Dawn was a fast and eager learner and showed a natural talent in nearly everything she put her mind to.

Except for reverse parking.

While Dawn cleaned up, Xander headed to the kitchen to start making a shopping list. Willow came in while he was rummaging through the cupboards.

"Hey Will, you got anything you want on the shopping list?"

"Hmmm... Two ounces of dried frog skin."

Xander looked at her and shuddered.

"Please tell me that's gonna be for a spell and not for dinner."

Willow laughed.

"What's the funny?" Buffy asked as she came in.

"Frog skin soup." Xander informed her. Buffy made a face similar to the one Xander had made earlier.

"If that's what Willow's cooking tonight I'm going to Giles' for dinner."

Willow was by far the best cook in the house so most nights she made dinner.

"We're having tacos tonight so I'll need some tomatoes. And don't worry about the frog skin, I'll pick it up after class tomorrow."

"How's classes going?" Buffy asked her friend. Now that Willow was back at university and Buffy worked the two didn't see as much of each other during the day.

"Kinda boring at the moment. I don't even have any assignments due this week. What about you? Anything exciting at work?"

"Not much. We don't start the new Sunnydale Library for a while so Jim's got me learning the new pay roll software."

"You think he wants to make you the new pay roll manager?" Xander asked his workmate.

"I think he wants me to be able to fill in for Doug when he takes a couple of weeks off at the end of the year."

Dawn wandered in and saw Xander with the shopping list.

"Can you put down printer ink on the shopping list?" she asked.

"What happened to the last printer cartridge we got not long ago?"

"It ran out." Dawn informed her sister who got a little annoyed at the news.

"We can't keep buying cartridges if you keep going through them like a crazy person. They're expensive you know."

"Buffy, it's like this. I don't get the printer cartridge, I can't print out my assignments. I don't print out my assignments, I flunk school. I flunk school, I get forced into a life of prostitution."

Xander's ears pricked up.

"Prostitution? You got a pimp picked out yet?"

"Not yet. You offering?" Dawn sexily smiled at Xander who smirked back.

"Maybe I am."

"What's your offer?"

"We cut it 60/40."

Willow gave a disgusted snort.

"60/40? You do all the hard work and he wants 60? I'll go 50/50." Willow counter offered. Incensed at being undercut, Xander was determined to beat Willow.

"40/60 and all the drugs you want."

"30/70 and I won't slap you around."

"25/75 and I'll spank you when you're naughty."

"Sold! I'm all yours pimp daddy Harris." Dawn declared to the mutterings of an unhappy Willow.

Buffy, who had been watching the back and forth between the three with a chilling glare, leaned over and whispered something into Xander's ear. Xander went pale, madly scribbled on the shopping list, raced over to Willow, grabbed her hand, and the two raced for the back door.

"Come on Will! We gotta get Dawnie her printer cartridges!"

Buffy turned back to Dawn to the slamming of the garage door and the sound of Xander's car burning rubber out of there. Before she could say anything, Dawn cut her off.

"That, my dear Buffy, is what we call flirting. You might want to try it with Xander occasionally." With that, Dawn turned on her heal and headed up stairs, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts.

----

Et iratus est draco in mulierem et abiit facere proelium cum reliquis de semine eius, qui custodiunt mandata Dei et habent testimonium Iesu.

(And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.)

----


End file.
